Tooth Fairy Outed

Wednesday, December 31, 2008 Posted In , , Edit This 5 Comments »
M got real mad the other day. It seems that the Tooth Fairy was lax in her tooth-collecting, money-delivery duties. If M had anything to do with it, Toothy would be out of a job. He was that mad.
I insisted, "Well, maybe she couldn't find the tooth! You know you sometimes knock it under the bed and who could find anything under there?"
Silence. Look of contempt.
So I stalled... "Maybe if you put it in a plastic bag and place it carefully under your pillow, she will find it tonight."
"Okay." Eyeing me suspiciously.

Good, I have another night to redeem myself, I mean... contact the Tooth Fairy.

Next day...
"MUM! My tooth is STILL THERE!"
"Your whaa.... ?" Oh no, I forgot the stupid tooth.... AGAIN!
Son standing in front of me, hands on hips. "I can't BELIEVE this!"
Think quick... um... "Did you do what I told you?" gesturing wildly to MM as he walks behind me.
"MM, can you imagine..." with arched eyebrows and meaningful look,
"...the Tooth Fairy couldn't find M's tooth?"
MM nods, casually walks upstairs into M's room, then reappears at the top of the stairs shaking his head and shrugging.
"M, did you put your tooth in a new place?"
"Yes, inside the pillow case so it wouldn't fall out!" (Duh!)
MM disappears again then reappears nodding vigorously, thumbs up.
"M, maybe you should go check under your pillow again...?"

"Oh, alright!"
Stomps upstairs... then yells, "Here it is... she gave me ONE DOLLAR! Thanks Dad!"

(I just added a funny but weird video recommended by the Machen family. Thank you Machens! Its called "Confessions of a Tooth Fairy." Funny. But weird.)

Another Snow Story

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
While I stayed home eating chocolate and reading my book in my quiet house (I had a horrible time!) the family was up in the snow trying not to fall off their snowboards.
The good news... no broken limbs.
The bad news... slim pickings in the photo department because I was not there yelling at them to LOOK! or DO THAT AGAIN SLOWER! and SMILE! (That's what it takes folks.)

D was a natural and showed everyone how its done...

A is ready to go... Bring It On.


Happy Birthday MM!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
MM is now the Meaning of Life!

And here is the opening of the presents picture... don't worry about the beautiful ribbon that I painstakingly attached to your gift, just fling that off... no worries... and ... HEY!

THAT'S IT! I'm buying the GPS auto tracker!

Oh and... don't tell MM... this will be our little secret ok? Shhhhh....

Snow Shmow

Monday, December 29, 2008 Posted In , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I jinxed myself. Yesterdays post was not supposed to be self-fulfilling prophecy. (See list item c.) And, I actually wrote it the day before yesterday and had it scheduled to pop up in the morning so it makes it even more absurd that today I... have... a COLD!

Everyone is excited to go up the mountain today. Without me. I will not have the privilege of prancing around in flaky white happiness... real snow that comes from the actual sky... like this. Beautiful, is it not?

MM is going to ski (he assures me he can do this) and the kids are anxious to throw themselves down slippery slopes. I hope they take some good pictures before the trip to the Emergency Room. (Pessimism has always served me well.)

As for me... no worries... I just read the best advice... "Feed A Cold" and I have truckloads of chocolate to do just that.

Slave Drivers

Sunday, December 28, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Now that Christmas is done, the cooking is done and we have leftovers to last six days, it's time to relax and breathe for a bit. Isn't it? No?
"Mum, I need you to take me to Barnes and Noble."
"... Kohls."

"... GameStop."
"... Walmart."

"... HobbyTown."

Curse you gift cards!

Here are my various responses...
a) "Get out of here before I karate chop you... Hi-Yaa!"
b) "I'll take you if you pay... show me the money first."
c) "Arrchhoooo! I cad't. I'b tick."
d) "Ask your dad."

So far answer d) has worked best (because MM is a push over). The kids didn't fall for c) and a) just made them laugh. b) almost worked... "Just take the money mum, take it." (mournful face)
Ah, crap.

The Best Christmas Ever

Saturday, December 27, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I share President Monson's sentiments... this has been the best Christmas ever.

Although we were careful to shop frugally, we still enjoyed an abundance of gifts (cameras, DVD players, MP3 players, PSP game systems, paintball guns, perfume and chocolate... Lady Godiva of course) and an over-abundance of food.

Christmas morning saw the usual chaos... wrapping paper flung off and boxes ripped into... shouts of glee... yahooing... scoffing candy canes and so on.

In spite of the surrounding distractions... I still felt the spirit of the season more than in previous years.

The birth of the Saviour is a vital and tangible thing for me. Listening to Christmas hymns and carols brought deep feelings of gratitude. I try not to take for granted the blessing it is to know and understand the Saviour's purpose, although I am sure I am an 'unprofitable servant' and not 'easy to be entreated'. Whatever my faults (and they are legion), I still felt special and counted as a child of God.

It doesn't get any better than this.

Define "Crazy"

Friday, December 26, 2008 Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I was doing a wee bit of blog walking tonight, reading some funny, serious, boisterous, cute and heart-rending posts, and I came to the conclusion that we as bloggers and mums belittle ourselves unnecessarily and generally expect too much from ourselves.
It's true... tell me how many blogs you have seen that have titles like "The Crazy House", and "Welcome to my Insanity", "Nutcase Habitat" and "My Asylum" etc?
Lots, right?

Yeah, so I pondered on that, it being Christmas and a perfect time to ponder, (in between cooking, cleaning, and cooking and cleaning) and wondered why we think we are so dysfunctional. Because we really aren't. We are perfectly normal people living in a challenged, disaffected, desensitized world.

It's quite normal to feel that we are crazy. We'd be crazy to think that we aren't.

(Mr Bean's Christmas... and I promise this is the last Christmas video for the year.)

Merry Christmas! Buon Natale! Mere Kirihimete! Frohe Weihnachten! Feliz Navidad! Nollaig Chridheil!

Thursday, December 25, 2008 Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »

Dreaming of a White Christmas

Wednesday, December 24, 2008 Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
Dream no more! OK, so it wasn't real snow, but it was COLD and FLAKY and WHITE!

That'll do!

Son: "Mum, take that photo OFF THERE! I'm serious!"
Moi: "But you're so cuuuuute!"
Son: "Mum, you better take it off right now!"
Moi: "You're not the boss of me!"
Son: "Please mum?"
Moi: "No." Snigger.

Snoopy's Christmas Song

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
I love Snoopy and I grew up hearing this song at Christmastime... so here it is for your viewing pleasure and mine...

Twilight Christmas

Monday, December 22, 2008 Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Funny Twilight Christmas parody...

Have You Done Your Christmas Shopping?

Sunday, December 21, 2008 Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
No I haven't. Actually, we were waiting for our two other kids to come home before we embark on the Great Christmas Shopping Experience. I know that cuts it a bit close because they arrived with only three days to spare. Plus I am hopelessly disorganized, plus we reduced the budget, plus the kids keep changing their minds about what they want, plus I hate spending money, plus I really don't enjoy shopping. Nope.

By the time we get to the Mall I know we will be running around like maniacs (speaking from experience) trying to hide the gifts from each other while also trying not to lose each other in the mayhem. And there's never enough time.

For sure I will make sure we won't be locked in the Mall like we were a few years ago. First we wondered why there were no people around, then we noticed all the shops were closed. It didn't occur to us that they would close early on Christmas Eve. After walking around aimlessly a bit, I started looking for a decent place to sleep ("I call the palm tree!") while C was wailing about spending Christmas Day in the Mall. (I was hoping the trauma would give her an aversion to Malls... no such luck.)

To everyone's relief we eventually found our way out thanks to the laughing security guard.

I think I'll give the kids cash this year.

We're Gonna Make You Pop-U-Lar

Saturday, December 20, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
This is what C told me when she got home from school today... no joke... she really did...

"So Mum, I gotta tell you what P did today! You know how she loves your kiwi accent? Right, so she somehow, and I don't know how, recorded the message you left on our answer machine. Then she plays it for G who tells E, who tells B, who tells S, who tells H, who tells J, who tells R, who tells G!
So, I hear these kids all around me saying in weird accents, "Hellooo, we carrn't come to the phoone riight now, please leave yoor name and nomber...!" and I'm like, "What is going on?" So G told me that they were all listening to YOUR VOICE and copying your accent! All the kids were doing it!

And Mum, they can't even do it right!"

I am so gratified that I have finally achieved popularity status in the 6th grade! Immortalized by a phone message... I'll take it.

It's a Christmas Party at My House!

Friday, December 19, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
It's safe... you can come over. All evidence that we are dysfunctional has been removed and the Christmas decorations are up. We now look normal. I even vacuumed. And I put stuff away - in it's rightful place. No, I didn't chuck all the clutter into the upstairs bathroom... I'm not that weird.

The food storage is in there.

OK, no, I'm just yanking your chain. We took all that out when W came to stay so he wouldn't suspect.

Really.... come on over. I baked cookies. There's three left. I'll save them for you. We can have hot chocolate and three cookies and feel snug and warm in front of the fire whilst watching the snow falling. OK, no again. Snow and I are not friends. He left me out of his party so he's not invited to mine.

But you can come. Did I mention I have cookies?

Psychologically Dependent

Friday, December 19, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
You've heard the saying, "A clean house is the sign of a broken computer." This is appropriate in my case, or more fitting for me would be, "A neglected and filthy house is the sign of a mind-bogglingly addicted, internet lunatic." Yeah, that's more like it.
So, I decided to figure out where my time went yesterday, after the kids were safely deposited at school...(I won't include all the driving around I did but suffice to say, I left the house six times yet never felt like I went anywhere.)

9.30 - 10.30 - emails.
10.30 - 11.30 - create posting for blog.
11.30 - 1.45 - genealogy online, nutella sandwiches for lunch.
2.00 - 2.30 - pick up child, talk to him a bit whilst folding Mt Everest pile of washing.
2.30 - 3.30 - pick up other kids and talk to them a bit, drive child to Den Meeting.
3.30 - 4.30 -
assist with homework i.e. pretend I know something, go pick up cub scout.
5.30 - 6.30 - cook dinner, assist scout to bake cookies for Pack Meeting, eat most of them.
6.30 - 9.30 - eat dinner though curiously not hungry, clean-up, finish folding Mt Everest, watch one tv show, send ratbags to bed.
9.30 - midnight - chat with hubby for two or three minutes, read emails, blog, reading blogs, emails, blogs, more blogs, a bit of genealogy, blogs, blogging blogs...

So, I count SIX and a half hours a day doing something online!!! Granted, the genealogy thing is related to my desire to do temple work, (and I'm a ward Family History Consultant) and every day is different but do you see how much I neglect my house...and life??

Am I the only one who suffers from this disease?

Awesome Christmas Light Display

Thursday, December 18, 2008 Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »

If You Bake It, I Will Come

Wednesday, December 17, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
If you want to be my BFF and I mean FOREVER, then this is the sure way to make me love you... really and truly.

Just bake me one (or five) of these:

It's a pavlova and it's a traditional New Zealand-Australian dessert that is crusty meringue on the outside and gooey meringue on the inside. I have already tried and failed (miserably to be honest) to make one. A slab of meat, I can cook to perfection, but baking is not my strong point. I am however, really, really good at sucking up. I will make it worth your while. Honestly.

A Kiwi Christmas

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Even though I've been living in the US for six years, it still feels weird to have Christmas in winter. Right now I am hanging up wet coats and shaking droplets out of umbrellas when I should be throwing a towel over my tanned shoulder and heading for a sandy white beach in New Zealand. Here is a picture, just to make you jealous... and yes, this is the actual beach I lived close to and yes, it is gorgeous and beautiful and yes, I took it completely for granted and YES, now I am COMPLETELY HOMESICK!

Last night I checked the weather forecast (for here, not there) and was interested to read that we had a high chance of snow today which, as you know, is a rare occurrence for this part of Southern California. So I thought, "If I can't have pure sunshine at Christmas, at least I can have a bit of flaky white happiness." But nooooo... the Universe did not concur. No snow for me. (self-pitying shrug)

I know what you're thinking... "Can she BE any luckier! Southern California! I'd give my eldest child to be there right now!" or thoughts to that effect. Yeah, I'm spoilt, hard to please, demanding, yada, yada... yawn.

OK... I've thought about it and you're right... I have alot to be thankful for. My MIL is dealing with black ice and slush and freezing weather and I'm sitting here in my 70 degree home complaining. Someone whack me over the head with a frozen turkey. Or ham. Or those big beefy steaks, or, oooh, I know, those little chicken wings... with honey mustard sauce.

Thank you. I needed that.

Wii Refuse to Buy It

Monday, December 15, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
This week I watched a science show that predicted that we soon won't need to step foot outside our doors to get what we want, because our homes will be able to fulfill our every wish. Our houses will be our computer/fabricator, able to create food, furniture and electronics.

All we will need to do is download blueprints to the fabricator that will construct any "thing" in 3-D. From cutlery to candles, to scrambled eggs and floor lamps, the sky is the limit.

They already have a prototype that I watched make a very crude fork... out of wax. So, they have a ways to go. The scientists are lauding this as a great leap forward in technology, and an all round neat idea but is this really a good thing? How fat and useless do we need to get?

Lucky there is Wii-fit.

It'll Never Happen to Me, But Just In Case

Sunday, December 14, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
To avoid experiencing the ludicrous and unnecessary uproar that Sue of Navel Gazing fame encountered when she was outed as the author of the entertaining but fictional My Super Hopeless Romance, I am going to unequivocally state here that a) whatever I may post here could be absolute rubbish or, b) it could all be true.

To be fair, Sue outed herself although she had already stated on MSHR that what she wrote was 'pretend'. People obviously didn't get that concept and were HORRIFIED when they found out that Cordy did not exist. Sue was inundated with hate mail. What is up with THAT?

To be fair again, I am never going to receive the kind of traffic that Sue gets on her blogs. Not in a million years. She is the queen of blogging and in a class of her own not to mention that I would have panic attacks if I knew thousands of people were reading my weak attempts at literization.

Personally, I think it's a good rule of thumb to place disclaimers everywhere. That way, when anyone thinks to question you on the authenticity of your information, you can quite smugly point to the disclaimer paragraph, giggle and wink.

NB -Anything you read here may or may not be correct and may or may not be what someone actually said or experienced and may or may not be a figment of my imagination. Or not.


Sucker for Punishment

Saturday, December 13, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
When the dentist says, "I can fix your problem in two visits with minimal disruption to your day." he actually means, "You'll be here six hours at a time (bring your blankie) and don't make plans for any fancy dinners because the pain and swelling won't go away for four days."

When the dentist says, "This may be a little uncomfortable..." he really means, "I'm about to blow your head off with excrutiating pain but understand this; you cannot move, you cannot speak. I will poke your innermost crevices with sharp tools. I will frown and make disapproving noises. I will keep your mouth stretched open two hours longer than I said I would, then, when you can't stand it anymore, I will say, "I'm not happy with that, I think I'll redo it."

You have a choice of three things to look at: my receeding hairline, the white ceiling panels or the cover of the latest 'People' magazine, placed tantalizingly out of reach.

Since you visited me at Christmastime, you have the privilege of listening to my Bulgarian Tambourine Christmas Carols CD... seventeen times. You could complain bitterly once you get out of my chair, but you know you'll be back here in six months so you'd better not.

And while we're on the subject, it will cost $700 to take out a few of your son's cavity ridden teeth but I will fail to mention that they are baby teeth and will fall out of his head on their own within six months anyway.

I've got you where I want you, just accept it.

That'll be five thousand dollars.

Merry Christmas."

Decoratively Challenged

Friday, December 12, 2008 Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
When I visit my friend's homes I am so impressed with their indoor/outdoor Christmas decorating prowess. Their homes look fabulous and smell delicious. I am in awe of the enormous yet tastefully decked out trees, (one in each room in extreme cases) and pretty twinkling lights winding up the wazoo banister.

Then I go home. No lights. No tree. No spicy pumpkin pie aromas wafting tantalizingly past my nostrils. I have a home devoid of Christmas cheer. Good thing the Relief Society doesn't know about me or I'd already be receiving the "Are-you-sure-you're-alright? Is-there-anything-we-can-do?" phone calls.

It was the same last year. We didn't get the tree up until a few days before Christmas.

I am so. hopeless.

I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm going to put everything up tomorrow while the children are at school. They will come home and be so impressed; it'll be worth at least half an hour of good behaviour.
(Ha, ha, who am I kidding?)

Do You Like to Read?

Thursday, December 11, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I am thinking of participating in this reading challenge. I already belong to a book club that I struggle to keep up with (because I read so many books at the same time...) but I think I could, maybe, perhaps do this one. It's a 12 month challenge so there is plenty of time. (Famous last words.)

This is a challenge that anyone can join, no matter what books they like to read. You should be able to find books from any genre. Click here to sign up (or you can participate anonymously, but you won't be eligible for prizes).

*Dates: January 1, 2009 through December 31, 2009*

The Challenge- Choose one book from each of the following categories:

1. A book with a "profession" in its title. Examples might include: The Book Thief, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Historian.

2. A book with a "time of day" in its title. Examples might include: Twilight, Four Past Midnight, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.

3. A book with a "relative" in its title. Examples might include: Eight Cousins, My Father's Dragon, The Daughter of Time.

4. A book with a "body part" in its title. Examples might include: The Bluest Eye, Bag of Bones, The Heart of Darkness.

5. A book with a "building" in its title. Examples might include: Uncle Tom's Cabin, Little House on the Prairie, The Looming Tower.

6. A book with a "medical condition" in its title. Examples might include: Insomnia, Coma, The Plague.

Please don't use the same book for more than one category.

There will be some small prizes scattered throughout. No set schedule, so just be sure to check in once a while. There will also be a prize awarded at the conclusion to one participant who completes the challenge.

Here are my book choices:

Profession: Lady's Maid by Margaret Forster
Time of day: Joy in the Morning by P.G. Wodehouse
Relative: Lirael: Daughter of the Clayr by Garth Nix
Body part: The Ear, The Eye and the Arm by Nancy Farmer
Building: Bleak House by Charles Dickens
Medical condition: Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella

OK, Now I'm Scared

Thursday, December 11, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Food Riots, Tax Rebellions By 2012...

Trend forecaster, renowned for being accurate in the past, says the man who predicted the 1987 stock market crash and the fall of the Soviet Union is now forecasting revolution in America, food riots and tax rebellions - all within four years, while cautioning that putting food on the table will be a more pressing concern than buying Christmas gifts by 2012.

Gerald Celente, the CEO of Trends Research Institute, is renowned for his accuracy in predicting future world and economic events, which will send a chill down your spine considering what he told Fox News this week.

Celente says that by 2012 America will become an undeveloped nation, that there will be a revolution marked by food riots, squatter rebellions, tax revolts and job marches, and that holidays will be more about obtaining food, not gifts."We're going to see the end of the retail Christmas....we're going to see a fundamental shift take place....putting food on the table is going to be more important that putting gifts under the Christmas tree," said Celente, adding that the situation would be "worse than the great depression".

"America's going to go through a transition the likes of which no one is prepared for," said Celente, noting that people's refusal to acknowledge that America was even in a recession highlights how big a problem denial is in being ready for the true scale of the crisis. Celente, who successfully predicted the 1997 Asian Currency Crisis, the subprime mortgage collapse and the massive devaluation of the U.S. dollar, told UPI in November last year that the following year would be known as "The Panic of 2008," adding that "giants (would) tumble to their deaths," which is exactly what we have witnessed with the collapse of Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns and others.

He also said that the dollar would eventually be devalued by as much as 90 per cent. The consequence of what we have seen unfold this year would lead to a lowering in living standards, Celente predicted a year ago, which is also being borne out by plummeting retail sales figures.

The prospect of revolution was a concept echoed by a British Ministry of Defence report last year, which predicted that within 30 years, the growing gap between the super rich and the middle class, along with an urban underclass threatening social order would mean, "The world's middle classes might unite, using access to knowledge, resources and skills to shape transnational processes in their own class interest," and that, "The middle classes could become a revolutionary class."

In a separate recent interview, Celente went further on the subject of revolution in America."There will be a revolution in this country," he said. "It's not going to come yet, but it's going to come down the line and we're going to see a third party and this was the catalyst for it: the takeover of Washington, D. C., in broad daylight by Wall Street in this bloodless coup. And it will happen as conditions continue to worsen."

"The first thing to do is organize with tax revolts. That's going to be the big one because people can't afford to pay more school tax, property tax, any kind of tax. You're going to start seeing those kinds of protests start to develop."

"It's going to be very bleak. Very sad. And there is going to be a lot of homeless, the likes of which we have never seen before. Tent cities are already sprouting up around the country and we're going to see many more."

"We're going to start seeing huge areas of vacant real estate and squatters living in them as well. It's going to be a picture the likes of which Americans are not going to be used to. It's going to come as a shock and with it, there's going to be a lot of crime. And the crime is going to be a lot worse than it was before because in the last 1929 Depression, people's minds weren't wrecked on all these modern drugs – over-the-counter drugs, or crystal meth or whatever it might be. So, you have a huge underclass of very desperate people with their minds chemically blown beyond anybody's comprehension."

Removed, Revoked, Rescinded

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Applaud applaud, I never liked these anyway.

Warning: Contains Graphic Descriptions of Grossness

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I am having a horrible time because within the last 48 hours, one by one, every member of my family succumbed to a stomach virus. I am the only one who isn't green right now. I am lucky that I had the bug last week when everyone ignored me ("I'm sick I tell you, SICK!") and now I get to clean up their vomit.

Who knew such little people could bring up so much stuff? I watched M leap across the room and regurgitate about a gallon of yellow, brown and red chunky spew into his sister's sick bowl. I was like... "Wow, you ate that? What was that?"

So far I've had two nights of slumber interruptus and I am high on sleep deprivation. I hope to get some rest before my brain function is permanently impaired. Or, it happened already and I'm too impaired to notice.

It's a Losing Battle

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
When, if ever, do I get to stop being a cop? I would really love to have a normal conversation without having to interrupt myself constantly, to prevent World War 3 in my house! Have you ever had a conversation like this?

Moi to MM: "Do you think...
...that we could do something different for...
...Christmas dinner? I thought that we could...
...maybe have meatloaf again because...

...I didn't get much...
...of the Thanksgiving meatloaf.

So, I was hoping that...
...we could...

...have a non-traditional meal...
...with all the traditional trimmings, and make it...
...more of a Christmassy meatloaf?
Because I'm sure the kids...
...won't care what they eat as long as...
...there's ice cream afterward."

Music To My Ears

Monday, December 08, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Update on the cellphone billing debacle. Our cellphone carrier advised us today that they will credit $2500.00 worth of illegal calls billed to us. Somebody stole our phone number and called all over Mexico and Honduras last month. And our bill went up $700 since last week. The phone company told us that this is happening everywhere and that the hardest hit places are New York, Florida and Mexico. If you take a cellphone to these areas, find out what security measures, if any, you can take.

Islamic Mormon?

Monday, December 08, 2008 Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
MM asked me to help him sub in Sunday School today. Yeah, sure! What age group?
Uh oh.
I don't know about you but I'm alternately dry and stupid when it comes to the youth. You'd think having my own thirteen year old would provide some preparation. Nope. Dry and stupid. And fasting makes me drier... and stupider.

So I'm sitting there with MM and we are both having a hard time of it. "Bueller?... Anyone?... Anyone?" I felt like that guy.

MM gave a lesson about the Brother of Jared. It was pretty good though he had only three minutes notice and no lesson manual. I offered a few comments, nothing exciting, not worth talking about really. At the end of the lesson, MM asked each kid what they had learned. They gave some pretty astute answers considering they sat rigor mortis through most of it.
The last kid said, "I learned from this lesson that the real name of the Brother of Jared is um... Mohammed."

I'm not sure what this says about our teaching skills. Probably something dry... or stupid.

First Presidency Christmas Devotional

Sunday, December 07, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I listened carefully to the First Presidency talks tonight. I felt the spirit of everything they said. If you were disappointed that you missed the Devotional, here is some of Pres. Uchtdorf's talk (paraphrased in parts because I couldn't write it down quickly enough):

"...Christmas bustle can detract from the simple dignity of the season. The most memorable Christmases are usually those that are most modest. Think of the simple yet dignified way our Heavenly Father chose to honour the birth of His own child! Angels appeared not to the rich but to lowly shepherds. The Saviour was born not in a mansion but in a manger. Wrapped not in silk but in swaddling clothes.

The simplicity of that first Christmas foreshadowed the life of the Saviour. His life was a life of modest nobility. Though he was a King, He cared neither for the honours nor for the riches of men. His life was one of simple yet profound dignity. Jesus set for us the pattern for giving. He brings compassion and comfort. He brings love and healing. He offers hope, forgiveness and redemption. If the Saviour were among us today we would find Him where He always was; ministering to the meek, the lowly and the poor in spirit..."

The message from the First Presidency was clear. Share what you have and show your love, extend a helping hand, a loving heart and a willing spirit. Follow the example set by the Saviour. We should not forfeit our opportunity to do what we can for others. May we follow Him, serve Him, honour Him, and receive in our lives, His gifts to us.

Perambulating in Boots of Ascension Whilst Trumpeting Melodiously

Sunday, December 07, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I love a good play on words and I especially love words that have been messed up unintentionally. For instance, I came across this notice from an Austrian Ski hotel: "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension." When was the last time you perambulated during the hours of repose? I love it!

How about this one from a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable." Good call, I find myself unbearable at the best of times.

Have you ever read the book, "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" by LDS author Lynne Truss? Me neither. Who would have thought a book about punctuation would ever make it to #1 on the Bestseller list? Lynne said the title of the book came from a misplaced comma in a sentence about a panda who eats shoots and leaves (of the bamboo tree). Geddit? Putting a comma in there changes the meaning of the sentence ENTIRELY. That's the sort of stuff I find funny and I see it all the time even in my own town.

So when you see me chortling away for no apparent reason, you will know that I have just read something funny like this traffic sign, "Slow Children Crossing". Like Lynne said, "I wonder if the slow children crossing grow up to be "Slow Men At Work?"

All I Want For Christmas...

Saturday, December 06, 2008 Posted In , Edit This 3 Comments »
... is a twenty foot high Christmas tree made out of chocolate. If you really loved me, you'd buy it.

I'm A Food Fanatic... Oops, I Mean Food 'Storage' Fanatic

Friday, December 05, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
This year I have been making more of an effort to obtain food storage and become more prepared for emergencies. I have even been to the cannery and bought a million cans of wheat! I acquired some food storage cook books and bought a grain mill. I even have some of that freeze-dried powdered muck and 20 gallons of honey. All I need now is an idiot who will eat this stuff because my kids sure won't!

But I am still so excited about emergency preparedness that you could almost call me an Everyday Food Storage FANATIC. Actually, no, that sentence was a shameless plug for the blog of the same name, and a plea to be entered into their contest. I love winning things, don't you?

Which isn't to say I am not a food storage fanatic... just maybe not an everyday one. Perhaps I'm an every-other-month fanatic, which hardly qualifies me for the fanatic title so just forget I mentioned it. The important thing is that I am in the competition and I love winning things, don't you?

So anyway, I'm off to the shop to buy 10 cans of dehydrated 'whatever is on special'. I just saw a sale for pork flavoured TVP. Mmmm, sounds delish!

The Meaning of Christmas

Friday, December 05, 2008 Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »
Needs no introduction really...

Two Chips Off The Old Block

Thursday, December 04, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
C walked in the door from school and announced that she had scored a "Twilight" poster for her sister. She said that her friend had bought the poster this morning for $14.95 (what a rip!) but was sick of it by lunchtime and offered it to C.
I didn't want to dampen her gift-giving enthusiasm but there are virtually no circumstances where I would allow Twilight paraphernalia to be displayed in my house!

The poster features white-faced Edward and klutzy Bella solemnly looking out into space. Not even a hint of a smile. I guess life is just way too serious for them.

It seems sacrilegious to allow an actor who first played the part of "Cedric Diggory" in the 'not to be matched' Harry Potter series, to also play the part of the personality-absent Edward in the travesty that is Twilight. Go figure.
I was very cautious about telling C and A that the poster NEEDS TO GO.
Moi: "Umm, C? That was neat that you got that for A but umm..."
C: "I know, I know... you don't like it."
A: "I hate it anyway. Edward is ugly."

Moi: (gleefully) "Sooo, what are you going to do with it?"
A: "I'm giving it away."

Anybody want a much hated and slightly stomped on Twilight poster like this one?

For All The Emmas I Know

Thursday, December 04, 2008 Posted In Edit This 3 Comments »
I haven't seen the movie "Emma Smith: My Story" but I liked this short clip and I really like the song...

Dream Home Dreams

Wednesday, December 03, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I have had my eye on this mansion currently for sale up in De Luz. I only need a cool $2,995,000.00 for this one... a BARGAIN.
It should appeal to MM as there is a library there already, so he won't have to build one for me. That's worth a million to him right there!

My sister can send me her maid (yeah, she's rich) so I can keep this monstrosity clean and I'll have to buy all new furniture because my scratched up, cat peed couches may not look as good as they do right now.

And check out all the garages - one for each bicycle!