Sucker for Punishment

Saturday, December 13, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
When the dentist says, "I can fix your problem in two visits with minimal disruption to your day." he actually means, "You'll be here six hours at a time (bring your blankie) and don't make plans for any fancy dinners because the pain and swelling won't go away for four days."

When the dentist says, "This may be a little uncomfortable..." he really means, "I'm about to blow your head off with excrutiating pain but understand this; you cannot move, you cannot speak. I will poke your innermost crevices with sharp tools. I will frown and make disapproving noises. I will keep your mouth stretched open two hours longer than I said I would, then, when you can't stand it anymore, I will say, "I'm not happy with that, I think I'll redo it."

You have a choice of three things to look at: my receeding hairline, the white ceiling panels or the cover of the latest 'People' magazine, placed tantalizingly out of reach.

Since you visited me at Christmastime, you have the privilege of listening to my Bulgarian Tambourine Christmas Carols CD... seventeen times. You could complain bitterly once you get out of my chair, but you know you'll be back here in six months so you'd better not.

And while we're on the subject, it will cost $700 to take out a few of your son's cavity ridden teeth but I will fail to mention that they are baby teeth and will fall out of his head on their own within six months anyway.

I've got you where I want you, just accept it.

That'll be five thousand dollars.

Merry Christmas."

1 brilliant observations:

McCrazys said...

Sounds like you need a new dentist! Enjoy your purees for the nest four days! So sorry!