Warning the Women

Tuesday, January 20, 2009 Posted In , , Edit This 12 Comments »
A little advice... check yourself before you go through a metal detector.

I lined up with the crowd of people who had to go into the courthouse. After a few minutes I got to the front of the line and placed my bag, phone and keys on the security conveyor belt. As I stepped through the metal detector the alarm beeped. I turned to the two elderly security guards and shrugged. I emptied my pockets and they motioned for me to walk through again.

"Beep."


Hand-held metal detector... "beeeeeeep."

I looked helplessly at the security guard in front of me. He said, in an unnecessarily loud voice... "HMMM, I'M WONDERING... YOU'RE NOT WEARING ONE OF THOSE NEW-FANGLED UNDERWIRE BRAS ARE YA?" (pointing to my boobage)

Every head in the line behind me swivelled in my direction as I tried to answer this question in a dignified manner.

"Uh... yes, I think I may be wearing one of those..."

"SPEAK UP THERE, MA'AM!" he fairly screamed at me. "YOU'LL HAVE TO SAY IT INTO MY OTHER EAR... I'M A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING IN THIS ONE!"

"Yes... um...uh..."

"NO NEED TO BE EMBARRASSED MA'AM!" he shouted, "IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME! THEY'RE USING STURDY WIRE IN THOSE CONTRAPTIONS AND THEY ALWAYS SET THE ALARM OFF!" (Snorts and chortles to his ancient cohort.)

I made a hasty red-faced exit.

I have since discovered that security staff have the right to ask you to remove your new-fangled contraption before granting you entrance.

A bit of advice... wear your "non-fangled" contraption when you next go through a metal detector.

Save yourself the humiliation.

12 brilliant observations:

Kristina P. said...

I have actually been here. Many times. I used to go to court all the time. Stupid bras. Who needs em? Oh, wait. That would be me.

Jen said...

Removing my bra for the security guard... Why does that sound so wrong? And like I have any non-wired bras! How else am I supposed to keep the girls standing at attention?

honeypiehorse said...

Hilarious. That's just karma, that is, getting the deaf guy at the security gate. Search your conscience and repent or there could be more deaf guys yelling out your most embarassing secrets. . . and the next one may excercise his legal rights!

Barbaloot said...

Wow-I didn't even know they had "new-fangled" ones. You failed to mention your purpose in heading to the Courthouse... :)

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Good advice. "Luckily," I can go without a bra and no one notices. Of course,with my luck, the "ha ha you don't have boobs" alarm might go off.

And what were you on trial for this time? :)

rachel said...

Jury duty perhaps? Old partially deaf men saying "new fangled underwire bras" is just wrong...

DeNae said...

I hear ya, sister. The metal plate in my head causes the same trouble. And I'm telling you, removing my head just to go through security is SUCH a hassle!

Hey, thanks for bringing DA back into my life! It's been a few years since I read HGTTG, and I'm thinking it's time for a little re-visit!

Becky said...

Please don't be too offended when I tell you I giggled madly all the way through this post...

What if I don't own any "old-style" bras? Should I just practice my under-the-shirt-and-out-the-sleeve removal technique?

Mike and Tammy said...

hehhehehehe *snort* whew, thanks. That was funny. Just be glad it wasn't at the airport!

Debbie said...

New fangled undies are always causing problems. That's why I wear mine for years...and years...

Cheryl said...

How did I miss this? This is your funniest post yet!!! Ok, please tell me you did not have to remove your fancy, new fangled bra!!!

in time out said...

i like the cleavage answer...hey, i posted some awards and want you to award yourself all three. smile. thanks for following my antics. me.