Don't Attack your Ex When You're Seven Months Preggers

Thursday, January 29, 2009 Edit This 12 Comments »
Translation of yesterday's post provided below in red. I read it through and somehow, it's just not the same...

One time I helped my mate T look for a new flat apartment. I said I would go with her 'cos she was up the duff pregnant and feeling a bit knackered tired. She likes to go in my car 'cos it's flash nice and grunty powerful while her ute pick-up is puckeroo not working ('cos she pranged crashed it) and the boot trunk is chocka full with fizzy soda cans.

T's a real hard case funny person and we always crack each other up. We sent our kids to get their togs swimsuits and jandals flip flops on and go down the beach. They were like, "Can we have some pingers money to take to the dairy corner store? We're like, "What are ya?" "No way!" and they're like, "But, it's kai food time!" and we're like, "Tough bikkies!" "Too bad!" So, they whinged whined their heads off.

Finally, T gives in and hands them some lollies candy and a chilly bin igloo full of L&P soda like 7-Up and some takeaways fast food and they're like, "Sweet as!" "Awesome!" So we left them there and were on our way.

It took ages (and T yacked talked the whole way) but we finally sussed out organised a flat. It was in the wops boonies but it was nice. Then we went to pick up the kids but one of them had packed a sad hissy fit and took off. So we raced over the judder-bars speed bumps looking for him. We spotted him up by the public loos restrooms. He was chucking stones at someone's chooks hens and making them run onto the tar seal road. I knew T was gonna have his guts for garters! tear him limb from limb, well not literally... you know what I mean

Then T spotted her ex-husband with his girlfriend and wanted to take a jack nuhi good look. She jumped out of the car while I was halfway up the roundabout. "Crikey dick! "Gee willikers!"

Can ya wait 'til I stop the car before you leap out?" By the time I parked the car, she was having a right old barney argument with L while the kids were gawking staring from the car. I pulled her away from him, then I threw her in the car and went flat stick really fast back to town.

T laughed as she pulled out heaps of cash. "L's a prat dickhead, but we're home 'n' hosed fine 'cos I flogged stole his wallet and he's shouting paying for lunch today!" I busted a gut laughing! It's been yonks a really long time since I've had that much fun!

**If you're wondering, this is ALL TRUE.

T is madder than a meat axe.


12 brilliant observations:

Kristina P. said...

Thanks for the translation, because this is even funnier now that I can understand it!

Lucy said...

I'm moving there. I like the language better that American slang. :)

Machen family said...

hey I wasn't too bad eh?

Bebe said...

Very Funny! I'm so glad I found your blog. I'll come visit again!

Jen said...

So sad I missed the original - I love trying to read foreign languages. This wasn't quite as bad as Chinese, but still I'd have missed half of it!

Tammy said...

OK, I have to admit, after the hubs and I read this story, we started using all the "Kiwi Slang". I always like adding new words to my vocab. There are 2 women in my ward from New Zealand (one is my VT) and I love, love, love it when she gives the spiritual thought. I could listen to her talk all day. You should do more posts like this.

honeypiehorse said...

Oh, dear, I thought she was calling HIM a crikey dick. I'm so bummed now that it only means 'gee' instead of, well, diseased dick or something like that.

DeNae said...

I want to talk like this!! I'm feeling completely shafted on account of having been born in boring old Utah and mostly just talking like a pioneer!

(And feel free to drop by with a random thought about Terry Pratchett any time, R Max. It's like you're me but with a really boss [interesting, cool, not pioneery at all] accent!)

diane said...

Thats funny even though I understood most of the first one.I had a funny experience in NZ when we were there on holiday. We were in a B&B . We were there with friends. The hostess told BB he would have to share his "dick" with our friends because their room didn't have a "deck".

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

Our need for a translation reminds me of an international conference I went to with my husband. One night we were seated next to a guy from England. The next, we sat by 3 men--one from France, one from Finland, and one from Italy. We could understand those three men (for whom English was their 2nd language) better than the Brit.

I'm only slightly exaggerating.

rachel said...

Crikey dick! What a sweet as translation R! You are a real hard case...

Shelley said...

Don't you just love the translation differences. I have a sis-in-law that is from England. When she was just new into the family she proceeded to counsel my younger brother, then just a teenager, about how to correct problems with a "rubber", as he was trying to get some homework done. Apparently it took quite a long time to get the situation where everyone understand each other. She has since put together a small booklet I believed called T-fronts with all of these terms we've been misunderstanding.