Think Of It as An Opportunity

Friday, January 30, 2009 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 15 Comments »
I was just about to write an uproariously funny, sarcastic post about how much I hate "word verification", and how it is the bane of my blogging existence, but I saw the news announcement of the impending eruption of Mt. Redoubt in Alaska and all the indignation deflated, and now I'm just feeling bad for the Alaskans.

They aren't going to experience devastation the likes of Pompeii, but they will have some very nasty ashfall. Don't laugh. Ash particulates are a serious health threat. All the asthmatics in Alaska are watching the news in horror right now.

So, this is my heartfelt message to the Alaskans. First, stampede the grocery store for bottled water. Then go home. Stay indoors. Eat your freeze-dried eggs benedict. Be prepared to duck and cover. Watch Oprah. She knows what to do. And above all, don't breathe.

After the danger is over, you can go outside and wipe the ash off your stuff...

... then, turn this situation to your benefit. Just mix some of that ash with water, put it in a stylish container and voila!


Price it accordingly... $97 per jar. Don't be fooled into thinking nobody is dumb enough to ever buy this...


Think of the millions you'll make...


15 brilliant observations:

rachel said...

Is that why I'm clueless all the time? I had no idea that watching Oprah would give me the answers I need. That guy in the picture looks like he's freezing his ash off. heehee

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

What a great idea. I wonder if my parents still have that jar of ash they saved after Mt. St. Helen's erupted. I've got to go make a phone call...


Word verifier: frackers. Is that a kiwi word for an uproariously funny, sarcastic post about how word verifiers are the bane of our existence? (It wasn't really frackers, but I had to change it a little to make it more acceptable to polite society.)

Ninny said...

SWEET!!! I am in Alaska and I feel confident that I can now make something worthwhile out of our situation. Ash facials- who'd a though.
Thanks for your concern. We're hunkering down as soon as school is out. Unless it blows before then and then, well, we'll see what happens.

Lucy said...

Hey! I'm always looking for a miracle. I'd pay good money for a change of looks.

Momza said...

You are always one step ahead of the rest of us...you should have your own TV show! I'd watch!

rychelle said...

Those poor (I mean soon to be rich) Alaskans. I hope they're all subscribed to your blog!

And I HATE word verification!!! I'll have to watch Oprah to find out why it even exists.

Barbaloot said...

Man---if only I lived in Alaska. I could use a few million right about now.

Kristina P. said...

Barbaloot should totally move to Alaska. There are like 100 men to every 1 woman there. She would totally find a hot grizzly bear of a man there.

DeNae said...

The 'ash' puns are just too, too easy, so I'll resist.

Maybe it will be one of those Jed Clampett moments: The volcano erupts with a gusher of a hundred gazillion barrels of oil, already conveniently stored in eco-friendly tankers (yes, they were in tne volcano, too; nature sure is mysterious) and we can solve our fuel problems without visiting any more unpleasantness on the pristine Alaskan wilderness than, apparently, the wilderness is preparing to visit upon itself.

I'm totally praying for this.

Motherboard said...

You are a freakin' genius!

honeypiehorse said...

What a great idea! You rule, R!

Debbie said...

I have slathered stuff on my face that came from God only knows where! You are so right.
And dried eggs benedict?

wendy said...

I think I would rather slather that on my face then the bird poop they were talking about on an Oprah show (the orientals do it and swear by it) so they say...
We were living in British Columbia Canada when Mt. St. Helens erupted (gosh, 1980) and we felt it,,(3 hrs away) There was lots of damage and destruction, a regular pain in the ash.

Jen said...

Gee, when can I talk Mt. St. Helen's into errupting again? I need some serious cash, AND a fab complexion! This is definitely the get-rich-quick scheme for me.

Machen family said...

You should market that...I love it. I was wondering what the secret was to why the people in Pompeii looked so good while being forever frozen.