Shopping is Torture

Friday, January 02, 2009 Posted In , , , , Edit This 9 Comments »
I used to like clothes shopping for the kids. But, sometime last year when I began getting attitude from the children, I really started to HATE it. I was constantly being told how "uncool" my taste in clothes is. Shopping began to be an ordeal.

One day, after about an hour of "Ewww yuck! That is DISGUSTING!" (like I was holding up a rotting corpse or something), I decided to do something about it. I told the child to "Come over here. I want to try an experiment with you." She obediently trotted over.

"How about you drop everything you're doing and drive me to the store in your car using gas you paid for. Then, you try helping me choose clothes for myself while I flounce behind you and say YUCK! EWW! and UGH! I will also indicate my displeasure with rolling eyeballs, whining and patronizing grunts. I will moan about trying on clothes and snarl when you bring me the wrong coloured pants. I will continue to complain and tantrum until you are ready to chew your own leg off. ("PLEASE! Make it STOP!")

Then, we will march to the checkout and you will use your money to pay for everything I chose for me. You don't get anything for yourself. Then you drive me back to your home (where I live rent-free) so I can show off my new clothes while you start cooking my dinner (that you also paid for).

How does that sound?"


Since then I've had no problems.




This is a picture of me having just completed my shopping Mall frenzy. All paid for by my children. You can see my hair has grown. And I lost about 170 pounds. (I am loving this fantasy!)





9 brilliant observations:

Loralee and the gang... said...

I have a child that for a while only wanted black stuff - shoes, pants, shirts, etc you name it. We hoped to get through THIS phase quickly, so anything black except a feminine cap sleeve or layering cami was outlawed. She then started cooperating better, and is finally out of that stage...now she loves to cut her own hair, emo syle. We are going to have to hide all the scissors (although she really does have hairstyling talent, based on helping her younger sister, but lets get through THIS style stage, please!)
:{

Barbaloot said...

What a fantastic thing to say to your kids! I'll remember that for the future....and in the mean time I feel like I should go apologize to my mother for being a brat when I was younger.

Thanks for your comment on my blog:) I can't believe they didn't learn English after you bothered to travel all the way to their country! When I went there, they didn't even bother to serve me Asian food I recognized. Where was the Panda Express?!

Barbaloot said...

Oh-and PS, I just saw that you have books by Shannon Hale on your 'to read' list and can I just say; I LOVED those books. LOVED. All of them. Especially Princess Academy. And Goose Girl. And Book of A Thousand Days. LOVED.

honeypiehorse said...

You tell 'em sister! Then please come here and tell my kids the same thing.

Machen family said...

My children are still too young to give me the eye roll. I need to prepare myself for the day coming soon. Thank you for being my guide.

Kristina P. said...

Well, aren't you and your blog just adorable. Us people with rude inlaws need to stick together! Always doing nice things for us! Who do they think they are!?!?

Thanks for the comment. I am adding you to my Reader and will return to stalk you!

Since Barb and Camille are here, you must be awesome.

Cheryl said...

Brilliant! I love it. And I especially love the picture of you!

Jen said...

Okay, I WAS your daughter. But I've repented of my evil ways. But my mother still brings them up.

Can you blame her?

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Thanks for making an "appearance" on my blog. I've just been rolling and scrolling through yours and I really like it! I'll be back. :)