Bobs Yer Uncle

Wednesday, January 28, 2009 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 11 Comments »
When I first started blogging, I would ask MM to proof-read my post to make sure that I translated my kiwi slang into something an American would understand. After several hundred similar requests, MM told me to just write it naturally. He pointed out that I am using the English language, after all...

One time I helped my mate T look for a new flat. I said I would go with her 'cos she was up the duff and feeling a bit knackered. She likes to go in my car 'cos it's flash and grunty while her ute is puckeroo ('cos she pranged it) and the boot is chocka with fizzy cans. T's a real hard case and we always crack each other up.


We sent our kids to get their togs and jandals on and go down the beach. They were like, "Can we have some pingers to take to the dairy? We're like, "What are ya?" and they're like, "But, it's kai time!" and we're like, "Tough bikkies!" So, they whinged their heads off.

Finally, T gives in and hands them some lollies and a chilly bin full of L&P and some takeaways and they're like, "Sweet as!"

So we left them there and were on our way. It took ages (and T yacked the whole way) but we finally sussed out a flat. It was in the wops but it was nice.

Then we went to pick up the kids but one of them had packed a sad and took off. So we raced over the judder-bars looking for him. We spotted him up by the public loos. He was chucking stones at someone's chooks and making them run onto the tar seal. I knew T was gonna have his guts for garters!

Then T spotted her ex-husband with his girlfriend and wanted to take a jack nuhi. She jumped out of the car while I was halfway up the roundabout. "Crikey dick! Can ya wait 'til I stop the car before you leap out?" By the time I parked the car, she was having a right old barney with L while the kids were gawking from the car. I pulled her away from him, then I threw her in the car and went flat stick back to town.

T laughed as she pulled out heaps of cash. "L's a prat, but we're home 'n' hosed 'cos I flogged his wallet and he's shouting lunch today!" I busted a gut laughing!


It's been yonks since I've had that much fun!


11 brilliant observations:

Kristina P. said...

Haha! Love it. And I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

Loralee and the gang... said...

Whoa, wait up there, little missy! Please translate...hahaha
:~D

Cheryl said...

Kristina forgot her bleep!

honeypiehorse said...

I'm afraid crikey dick and grunty are going to pop out of my mouth at some business meeting very soon.

Barbaloot said...

I probly should've waited till the afternoon to read this...it's too early to be this confused.

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

I understood all of it, except for everything after the first paragraph.

Becky said...

This was a lot of fun to read, but uh, what the devil did it all mean, woman!!?

Lissaloo said...

LOl, I think I caught the jist of it, maybe :)

Karen said...

I'm afraid I need a Kiwi-American dictionary!

But I am still laughing my butt off. That whole tower of babel thing...

Machen family said...

You're one CUH-RAZY kiwi! and I love it...It sounds like T is a a real funny gal but doesn't keep her car clean with soda cans everywhere..(who does? that crazy gal) Yeah, and I totally would deny my kids ice cream too, kai or no kai time! and that T tell her to stop handing them suckers. And if I found out my kid was throwing rocks by the bathrooms I would have him hung by his toenails! And if I saw my ex with his girfriend I totally would have taken the T route and faced him head on with a little tete-a-tete. (except I wouldn't have taken the cash, so un-ladylike, but I hope you enjoyed lunch at his expense)
Soooo...how did I do?

Rachel said...

Laughed my head of at some of the words I havent heard for yonks! Good onya for a beauty little story! I am going to start using pranged again I like that word!