Night Goggles

Sunday, October 12, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I have been pondering the mundane things in life. Since it is now 11:49pm and sleep is elusive, I will tell you about a little trick I learned to help me see in the dark.
If you are anything like me, a visit to the bathroom in the middle of the night turns into a stumbling grope through hostile territory. Actually, getting to the bathroom is easy. Its on the return trip, after the 'oh so blinding' electric bulb has done its evil work, that disaster awaits.
I have slowly shuffled my way back to my bed. I have crawled my way back. I have slid my feet along the carpet, skiing to bed. (That's when electricity got me a second time.) Regardless of my efforts, I managed to locate and step on every lego piece and matchbox car in the room with a toe kick to the bed leg to finish me off.
If your life contains miserable experiences like this, help is on its way.
All you will need is: both eyes and eyelids that open and close independently of each other. If you can master this simple technique, your woes are behind you.

Follow this carefully and don't try to skip any steps, your extremities are depending on you to get this right...
1. Walk to the bathroom. (So far, so good.)
2. Now this is the important part: Close ONE eye. If you are not sure which eye to close, it should probably be the left one.
3. Keeping your LEFT EYE CLOSED, switch on the light.
4. Use the bathroom. (Please! Do you need to be told?)
5. Wash your hands per the sign you see in fast food restaurant bathrooms. (...E Coli, salmonella, blah blah...) Remember to keep the LEFT EYE CLOSED.
6. Turn off the light... now this next step is important...
7. CLOSE the RIGHT EYE and OPEN the LEFT EYE. Look around. You should now be able to see clearly enough through your non-blinded eye to avoid the land mines left for you by your children.
Have fun with this, experiment a little by changing which eye you close first. If you really want to have fun, alternate opening and closing each eye once you have safely reached your bed.
The simplest solutions are usually the best and I am not even charging you one cent for this priceless information. (Should you wish to donate to future research in the continued effort to improve your quality of life, please click on the paypal button conveniently located below. Thank you.)

Believe me, your troubles are over.

1 brilliant observations:

Cheryl said...

Thanks Royce! You are full of good info today! (;