"When was the last time you had a mammogram?"
"Errrr.... never?" So, yeah, got some backlash from that one.
Then the lecture began...
"Get some exercise..."
"Watch your cholesterol..." BLAH BLAH BLAH.
I subjected myself to this barrage (I kid you not, it took an hour!) and then Doctor Annoying told me I may have indigestion. INDIGESTION?? I just know that's not what my problem is! I KNOW it! So, I politely asked if it could possibly be anything else. She said that it could be any number of things but she couldn't determine what until I had several blood tests done. So, like an idiot, I agreed to that. Because I just love to be poked with needles. Then she handed me some heartburn drugs and told me to take them in the evenings.... UMM EXCUSE ME?!! You just said yourself that you don't KNOW what my problem is until you get the test results! So you want to give me antacid drugs... WHY? JUST IN CASE? If I DON'T suffer from indigestion, can I sue you for malpractice? Because I know it isn't indigestion - I had babies, I know acutely what indigestion is at around the eighth month of gestation, lady!
So, to calm my nerves, I went to Walmart to buy some chocolate.
I was at the checkout when I heard an almighty CRASH! and looked up to see a huge chunk of the roof fall to the floor! NOOO! 9/11... it's HERE! in Walmart!
I was gripped by panic (like everyone else around me!) and it is true that your life flashes before you because in that split second I was thinking about all sorts of things that I had left undone in my life INCLUDING that I'm gonna DIE before I prove that I DON'T HAVE INDIGESTION!!!
Fortunately, I was not close enough to be hit by flying ceiling and the expected terrorist attack did not happen. Once I relaxed, I saw the funny side of it... I've never seen Grannies run so fast and I'm sure the people eating at McDonalds appreciated the extra seasoning that floated down to settle on their french fries.
It turns out that the guys constructing a building next door made some kind of constructing mistake (isn't it just like legos?) and sent the wall that they had just erected crashing down onto the roof of Walmart. Nothing like a few hundred tons of cement block falling on your head to wake you up.
So that was my day. How was yours?