The Sky is Falling!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009 Posted In , , , Edit This 16 Comments »
So, I reluctantly decided to go see the Doctor about my tummy troubles. I expect I am not a fun patient to have and I don't generally LIKE Doctors because they are SO Doctor-ish. All they do is ask stupid questions...
"When was the last time you had a mammogram?"
"Errrr.... never?" So, yeah, got some backlash from that one.
Then the lecture began...
"Eat properly..."
"Get some exercise..."
"Watch your cholesterol..." BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I subjected myself to this barrage (I kid you not, it took an hour!) and then Doctor Annoying told me I may have indigestion. INDIGESTION?? I just know that's not what my problem is! I KNOW it! So, I politely asked if it could possibly be anything else. She said that it could be any number of things but she couldn't determine what until I had several blood tests done. So, like an idiot, I agreed to that. Because I just love to be poked with needles. Then she handed me some heartburn drugs and told me to take them in the evenings.... UMM EXCUSE ME?!! You just said yourself that you don't KNOW what my problem is until you get the test results! So you want to give me antacid drugs... WHY? JUST IN CASE? If I DON'T suffer from indigestion, can I sue you for malpractice? Because I know it isn't indigestion - I had babies, I know acutely what indigestion is at around the eighth month of gestation, lady!

So, to calm my nerves, I went to Walmart to buy some chocolate.

I was at the checkout when I heard an almighty CRASH! and looked up to see a huge chunk of the roof fall to the floor! NOOO! 9/11... it's HERE! in Walmart!

I was gripped by panic (like everyone else around me!) and it is true that your life flashes before you because in that split second I was thinking about all sorts of things that I had left undone in my life INCLUDING that I'm gonna DIE before I prove that I DON'T HAVE INDIGESTION!!!

Fortunately, I was not close enough to be hit by flying ceiling and the expected terrorist attack did not happen. Once I relaxed, I saw the funny side of it... I've never seen Grannies run so fast and I'm sure the people eating at McDonalds appreciated the extra seasoning that floated down to settle on their french fries.

It turns out that the guys constructing a building next door made some kind of constructing mistake (isn't it just like legos?) and sent the wall that they had just erected crashing down onto the roof of Walmart. Nothing like a few hundred tons of cement block falling on your head to wake you up.

So that was my day. How was yours?

16 brilliant observations:

Barbaloot said...

Yikes---the sky is falling! Glad you're okay, and hope you keep being okay after the tests come in!
And also, I want some chocolate now.

Karen said...

Good gracious, what a day!

My doctor is nothing like that. If she has a fault, it is that she's TOO thorough.

Good call on self-medicating with chocolate! That makes everything better!

I'm glad you weren't beneath the falling ceiling when it crashed down. If you'd had to go back to the doctor after that she might have said you probably just had a headache.

rychelle said...

wow!

i always knew there was a correlation between the end of times and walmart.

DeNae said...

That was a sign to buy a lottery ticket. "Not hit by falling wall = lucky day" in my book.

I love how blood work is the solution to everything. "Doctor, my husband ran off with an acrobat." "Well, sounds like he's a jerk, but you'll need to have some blood work done before we can know for sure."

Loralee and the gang... said...

Not as exciting as yours!
:~D

Deb said...

My goodness! The most exciting things happen to you, and in Wal-Mart, no less!

Lucy said...

Doctor's think their patient/people are so stupid. Sometime try getting one to talk about homeopathic medicinal methods. The go absolutely balistic and say the WON'T talk to you about that. It's fun just to do it. Getting them annoyed I mean.

Kristina P. said...

What the?!?! That would only happen at Walmart!

And I posted about my boil today, which is awesome. Your post has convinced me not to go to the doctor's.

Jacki said...

I'm thinking the doctor followed you to Walmart and saw you buy that chocolate! Bad for your cholesterol! He was responsible for the sky falling! lol
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

rachel said...

Man, I can't get my doctor to spend more than five minutes with me...maybe that's a good thing though?? Hope they find out what's wrong! Way to fix everything with chocolate though. Your Dr. should have offered you that in her office instead of antacid- come on she's a woman!

Lissaloo said...

The chocolate should fix ALL the problems with your tummy :) Thats what it does ;)

Cheryl said...

2 lawsuits in 1 day! Wow. That Walmart needed a facelift anyway. In response to your comment, yes, I even had someone come over once and say, "If you ever need some decorating advice, just let me know." Oh the good old days.

Maria said...

WHAT A DAY!! I hope it has gotten better as the day has progressed. However, I do think the Wal Mart incident makes a great story.

Annie Valentine said...

I was actually on the edge of my seat reading this. Seriously. Mouth wide open, eyes alert...you had me at indigestion.

Tammy said...

My day was bad, but yours was worse, so I feel better now.

Thanks!

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

You left out the most important detail of the story: What kind of chocolate did you get?