The Mighty Woof

Thursday, March 19, 2009 Posted In , , Edit This 18 Comments »
We just got a new woofer. No, it's not a dog... my cat would never forgive me. It's a loudspeaker, one of those ones that delivers low frequency sounds. You know, the throbbing bass that vibrates the popcorn out of your cup when you're at the movies. THAT one. It came with a surround sound system so we now have 47 speakers strategically placed all over the room. Whenever we watch tv I keep thinking someone is breaking into the house. I swing around yelling, "Who's there?" only to realise it was just the movie, and the kids laugh at me... again.

I think I am losing my mind. Gone are my calm, quiet evenings. Now I can FEEL the movie no matter where I am in the house. When The Hulk drops a car, the shock wave launches the cat across the room. When Horton ran with The Whos, my pot plant thudded across the table and committed suicide off the edge.

Though I go to my bedroom, and close the sound-proofed door behind me, I can still hear such raging destruction that I frequently run down the stairs just to check that a 747 hasn't just crash-landed in the dining room. It's exhausting.


I was about to ask MM if we could please chop the woofer into small pieces and burn it when I read on the Internet that Doctors occasionally remove gallstones using ultrasound therapy. So naturally I thought, "Why pay hundreds of dollars for a sonogram when I can just sit on the woofer?" These stones don't stand a chance against the X-Men.

18 brilliant observations:

Lissaloo said...

LOL, to funny,I know how you feel we got a surround sound system a short while ago and I feel like I am constantly telling them to turn down the TV it's shaking the house :)

Lucy said...

LOL also. I love your posts. I get my laugh fix for the day. I know I wouldn't want one of *those*, but just think. You could fix it up so that if your house is ever broken into or. .. invaded .. it will go off at full throttle by the sound or somebody kicking in a door. Or a window. Or..whatever else they do to break in to a house to steal your stuff.

(I'm still just a little bit bitter at that pesky recent break-in, aren't I.)

Momza said...

Your cup is always half-full--love that about you!!

Barbaloot said...

Your imagry is hilarious...especially the cat launching across the room:)

Kristina P. said...

OH my. I had a funny, witty comment, and it just left my head. So pretend I had one for you.

Karen said...

I feel your pain! My roommates think 11pm is the perfect time to turn on the surround sound and listen to the loudest movies they can find.

rachel said...

Gone are the days of just watching the movie...now we have to "feel" it and forget that it's pretend!! No wonder everyone is stressed out...I think your idea of gall stone removal sounds brilliant :)

Gracey said...

Oh, noooo! I would have freaked out, since I can't tolerate loud sounds. But you always seem to handle things pretty well - talk about positive energy!

Also, I also chocked to death with the comment about the sonogram - I just couldn't stop laughing!

Maria said...

Oh my goodness..what is it with guys and woofers. My husband loves the noise, the vibrations, just everything about them! We used to have one years ago, but when we remodeled the house I told him it just didn't fit anywhere. I must have caught him in a weak moment because he gave it away. I love my peace and quiet.

Shelley said...

I'm just laughing, really lauging. I hated the sound of the woofer growing up - I have 7 seven brothers! But for the right moment, the right show, fantastic. It's the rest of the time that you just have to nod your head and say, "whatever makes you happy dear".

~*Michelle*~ said...

It's gotta be a testosterone thing....and my house is FULL of it.

If your eardrums are not splitting and bleeding then turn it up a notch.

Oh, and a little bit of my Crystal Light came out of my nose with the gallstone therapy suggestion.

HA! Happy I found your hilarious blog....my kinda sense of humor!

DeNae said...

If I could work my will, all movies would be peopled entirely with mimes. I HATE noise, and lacking your natural optimism, I would take the purchase of a woofer as a full-blown, gloves off declaration of war.

But you did hit the nail on the head with the whole gall stones dealio. Take THAT, quacky DA and quackier MD!!

(Are you still feeling OK?)

Jen said...

Maybe if you got a reclyner with hydraulics, and a cool pair of shades you'd be more in the mood for a thumpin' base.

Or not.

honeypiehorse said...

I assume the new woofer was your husband's idea. Ralf wanted one too and then blasts Lord of the Rings while the kids are sleeping upstairs. There will be therapy some day for this, I know it.

Deb said...

The worst Christmas present I ever got was the year Sven got me my very own surround sound system. We set it up in our tiny apartment, then had to cart it with us from place to place. We do not have it set up now, and I'm not sure I could even find all of the components...

DeNae said...

OK, I just watched the "Women Drivers" vid on one of your other posts but I'm commenting here because we don't always go back and catch past commenters.

I was particularly impressed by the woman who managed to roll her car from basically a dead stop. That takes SKILLS, girl!

I did, however, want to SMACK the woman who couldn't back her car into the parking place and a MAN had to do it for her. I could back the Titanic into a teacup and still leave room for the lifeboats. I'm a QUEEN backer-into-a-parking-spot-er.

The big sissy.

DeNae said...

Good grief, three comments on the same post. But I need you to e-mail me; I have a question for you!

thebackorderedlife@hotmail.com

wendy said...

I----can----hardly----hear you , over the Whoofer. Turn that thing down.