I'm Innocent!

Saturday, February 14, 2009 Posted In , , , Edit This 19 Comments »
I just came from shopping heck. There were about fifty people jammed into the Valentines aisle in Wal-Mart. By the time I got through the insanity, there was nothing of worth left on the shelves. There was plenty to choose from on the floor, however. I'm sure MM wouldn't mind the cute heart-shaped card I saw. It only had one footprint... I could get away with it, really I could... "It's not a dirty footprint! It's 'heel art' honey!"

But I didn't buy it. I went to Albertsons instead. It was blissfully clear of shoppers except for one lady with a BIG BEHIND. I won't tell you about the encounter with this rude lady who refused to move her shopping cart and her BIG BEHIND. I won't tell you about the way I used my shopping cart as a battering ram against her cart, to get into the Valentines aisle because she completely ignored my heartfelt "Excuse me, please!"

I won't tell you how she then tried to block my exit once I had found a pretty (but masculine) foot-art free card. I won't tell you that I kindly requested she move her BIG BEHIND AGAIN. My polite entreaty fallen on deaf ears, she wouldn't even LOOK at me! So I had to resort to using my shopping cart to bash my way OUT. Crash! Bang! Take THAT!

I hoped the security guys weren't watching and that they wouldn't confiscate my groceries and distribute my photo to all staff with the order... "DO NOT GIVE A SHOPPING CART TO THIS WOMAN!" I just know they would not prosecute the BIG BEHIND lady because she probably appeared on camera to be the innocent victim and I the guilty cart bashing perpetrator!

I practically ran through the checkout.

It was once I got home and breathlessly told MM about how RUDE some people can be and how they act like they're DEAF, that MM said to me, "How do you know she wasn't deaf?"


"Because she.... because I.... because..... AHHH CRAP!"

19 brilliant observations:

honeypiehorse said...

Nice one - you accosted a poor weight-challenged deaf woman who probably volunteers at the local orphange.

Lucy said...

Reminds me of a day in Costco recently. I won't even go near the place anymore on a Saturday. Or a Holiday. Or a Sunday.

Machen family said...

After I read this post, it reminded me that I need to diet.

Bebe said...

I sincerely hope it wasn't my Big Behind! I shop "in the zone" and maybe I didn't hear you! LOL

Kristina P. said...

I don't think people with big behinds shop at Target, so you should just do that.

Covington Sensation's said...

Great Blog! I found your blog by one of the many mormon blogs that are out there. I have no idea how you join this list. I would love too because I am mormon too! If ya want ya can comment on my blog. Yes it's a family blog, haven't quite made it private, haven't been quite so scared. Maybe one day. SO I'm glad I found your blog. So funny. I'm following you.

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

Happy Valentine's Day!

That's all I'm saying.

wendy said...

So what if she was maybe, maybe? hearing challenged, the battering the cart should have got the message across. So....did you get the valentine??

DeNae said...

This is too weird!

Today, while I was at Albertson's, this insane woman with a New Zealandy accent rammed my cart, like, MULTIPLE times while we were both shopping for valentine cards. I would have fought back but my rear end got jammed in the space between the shelves, and the store manager had to use the jaws of life to free me.

But, gosh, what are the ODDS??

Fiauna said...

Been there, done that. This illustrates the exact reason why I don't shop at Wal-mart, (though I understand this didn't happen to you at said store).
Happy Valentine's Day, anyway.

rachel said...

The card had a foot print, her butt had a cart print...Happy Valentine's Day!! :)

Jen said...

She wasn't deaf. I'm omniscient, I know this. She was just ignoring you because your butt is smaller than her butt.

Do you feel better now?

wendy said...

This is an FYI which has nothing to do with this post.....but I have a son who went on his mission to Wellington, New Zealand. His photos from there were ..gor--GEOUS.

Deb said...

Happy Valentine's, from my big behind to you...

Chaka said...

That is one reason I dislike Walmart. It seems like it's Christmas rush any time I'm there. If I ever see you at Albertsons with a cart I consider myself warned to get out of your way.

Tammy said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That is a great story. I can't stand it when people do that in the store. I'll go to the store and turn down an isle to get what I need and there are two people stopped in the middle of the isle with their carts blocking any passage and they just stand there and talk!! I stand there for about 3 seconds before I start with the glares and the loud EXCUSE ME PLEASE!! That usually gets them moving.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Don't you hate husband's and their totally practical comebacks? Hope the Wal-mart cops don't show up at your house. :)

Momza said...

Walmart is the kinda place that one day someone is gonna die in there and they won't be found for 2 weeks because of all the crap on the floor!
Darn them and their low prices.

Shelley said...

I haven't stopped by in a while. You totally entertain me! You've had some good posts, but I'll just comment on this one today and stop back sooner.