Sanity Saver

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 Posted In , , , , Edit This 14 Comments »
I've been reading all sorts of great advice from various Mom Blogs... "How To Be A Better Wife and Mother Without Leaving The Sofa", "How to Elicit Appreciation From Your Husband Regarding All The Housework You Do From The Sofa", "How To Get Your Children To Cook Dinner" and other really great stuff that is pertinent for a twenty-first century, young(ish), busy, vital, multi-tasking mother (one hand updating status on Facebook, the other fast-forwarding through Paula Abdul).

I just love the information on the internet! It rivals the parenting advice I used to get from half an hour of "The Cosby Show"!! (almost)

Anyway, during the past couple of days I have discovered (quite by accident and without the help of the internet!) a parenting method that defies tradition yet has surprisingly good results. I introduce to you (drumroll) the "Ultimate Parenting Advice by Moi."

Seriously, this is the last piece of information you'll need for those situations when the kids start to bicker and quarrel and fight amongst each other and with you. When you are ready to auction your children off... this information will be a life saver for them you...

Items you will need:
- Sound System with brain bleeding volume capacity.
- Any head banging 80's music. Billy Idol's "White Wedding" works great. And yes, you HAVE TO use 80's music. It won't work if you choose any other era. Trust me.

Method: When the children's bickering is pounding on your last nerve... grab your music, turn up the volume to "Space Shuttle take-off" levels. Blast it! You can even sing along. (Dancing optional.) This is when the 80s era music comes into it's own. Because kids just don't like it. It will make them halt in bewilderment then flee to their room (your work is done) or halt in bewilderment, watch you, laugh, point and stare (your work is done).

Results: All the arguing magically disappears. The whining is gone. And the best part is, you can see their mouths moving but you can't hear what they're saying! Once peace is restored, all you need to do is glance in their direction every now and then to make sure they are not stabbing eachother, and all is SWEET.

Side benefits: You got off the sofa... or not.



14 brilliant observations:

Jen said...

Finally! A parenting strategy I can handle. My husband could probably even manage this one.

rachel said...

'Dancing With Myself' is my Billy Idol of choice. And it does work wonders...especially if I dance. Everyone just flees and then I am left dancing with myself...wait...

Kristina P. said...

So, how can you make me not afraid of babies?

wendy said...

As for Kristina's comment --be afraid, be very afraid.
I love the part about fast forwarding through Paula Abdul...what a space cadet. I could have used that strategy when raising my 5. Sheeeesh. I just made them sit on the couch and hug each other when they were fighting...it usually ended pretty fast. But, volume is good...when they start screaming and yelling, join along.
And I choose to do whatever I can..from the Sofa.

Momza said...

You need a publisher. Your method could change parenting as we know it. I'd buy the book.
Oh and if you want to market it in lightening-speed fashion, contact Shauna--that woman knows how to market! lol

Barbaloot said...

I don't have "space shuttle take-off" on my stereo. Mine only go to 11. Unfair.

(I hope you got the movie reference I stuck in there...)

rychelle said...

i'm pretty sure dancing shouldn't be "optional".

Karen said...

Hilarious! I'll have to remember that in thirty years when I'm dragging my as-yet-unconceived teenagers with me to cash my social security checks!

Lissaloo said...

This sound like wonderful advice & I will definitely have to give it a try.... soon :)

DeNae said...

Brilliant! The other option is to put in something operatic and heavy, like a mega dose of Wagner.

BTW, R Max, I put that "See if I don't" reference into my last post just for you! I'm glad to see you're as sharp as ever!

Annie Valentine said...

What about lectures from your husband? Do you think it would have the same effect?

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

Um...my teens think 80's music is cool. (Thank you, Rock Band.) And I am always telling THEM to turn it down.

But hey, I still plan on sitting on the sofa as much as possible.

Machen family said...

80's music all the way! and I agree that the dancing shouldn't be optional!

Shelley said...

You are so right on there, I want to say sister. And what is it about the 80's music?!? I mean it is just great! You should sell this great info. You might make a buck or two.