And Then There Were Three

Thursday, May 07, 2009 Posted In , , , , Edit This 21 Comments »
I wasn't surprised that Allison got the boot on AI. She's a great kid but she was seriously out-gunned. Adam is a professional entertainer who can distort perfectly good songs and get away with it. I don't want to like him but he has this whole "charisma, good looks, insane vocal range and blue hair" thing going for him. It's a winning combination.


Danny has some skills though I was a bit worried that his final note, a Psycho-esque screech, would kill the Gokey buzz. It didn't. His fans aren't going to let a little pig squealing change their minds about him. Here is the Gokster's final notes from his infamous rendition of "Scream On" oops, I mean... "Dream On." I hope you have the stomach for it.



Kris was the sweet one who's GINORMOUS female following kept him in contention. He has shown some stamina and skill in the last few weeks and I think I underestimated him. I liked how he sang the Beatles, "Come Together", though the judges lambasted him for it. Shut up judges.


 I won't even comment about Paula's little dance number. Nooo comment.

OK, maybe just a little comment. Crappy lyrics, old moves, ho-hum.



And, what's with Gwen Stefani? She jerked herself around the stage, leaped all over the audience, nearly wiped out jumping off the riser and generally looked like an eedjit.


Then she did PUSH-UPS in the middle of the song. And what was with the weird voice? I don't remember "Just a Girl" sounding so forced. Maybe she'd been snorting something backstage... like her drummer did. Wouldn't you have to be off your face to wear this??


Unlike Kristina, I'm not one to judge, but how seriously can you take a rock band who's drummer wears a tutu? I hope this is just a temporary drug addiction. Any more of this rubbish and they'll have to change their name from "No Doubt" to "No Class."

Bad Mood Zone

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 Posted In , , Edit This 19 Comments »
I should never have got out of bed today. Today just didn't go right. I'm not naming names but someone left the gas stove on all night, someone squished a bike helmet backing out of the garage this morning and someone left my car radio on the Country Western station. As if that wasn't enough, my favourite show was zapped by a power cut to the DVR so after all this abuse I was forced to eat chocolate to take my mind off it. Which is like the worst thing I could do to myself.

But, I came to my senses and went to my garden and yanked some vegetables out. I quickly ate about ten pounds of carrots and swiss chard to counter the chocolate effects. I think I caught it in time...

Thank goodness for American Idol. I can take my frustrations out on Paula. Which is kind of cruel, because she singlehandedly supports an entire third world country with her annual lipgloss purchases. They even named their new shade in her honour. It's called "Slimy Pink Teeth'. So, even though she's a shameless suck up, she's a really good person too.

I am not surprised that Matt got hoofed off Idol but I was surprised that the Judges saved him. He can sing okay but he doesn't have the support of Lil who has 100% of the African American population behind her no matter how much genre-hopping she does. If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say that Adam Lambert is going to win this competition. In spite of his Rapidly-Becoming-Trademark-Screech. Which I don't like but find strangely fascinating.

I wonder which Disco song he will be screeching next week? I'd like to see him sing "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees. Can we send in our requests?

Weally Wordy Wednesday

Wednesday, March 18, 2009 Posted In , , , Edit This 11 Comments »
MM has firmly resisted my wheedling to give me a copy of his UGLY PIC. He asked me if I planned on showing it to anyone. I assured him that the thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind and I was only going to post it on my blog. MM was horrified and refused to allow me access to it even though I did mention that hardly anyone reads my blog these days anyway. Except you five four.

So, I was forced to find a reasonable facsimile of MM on the internet and here is about as close as I could get; just imagine this guy with eyebrows and three more teeth and it's close enough!


You will agree, the changes I had to make were significant. That's true love that is!

What about this week on American Idol? I don't prefer country music but I was feeling decidedly sorry for all things country after listening to Adam Lambert KILL, MURDER, BUTCHER AND DESTROY 'Ring of Fire'!! It's a good thing Johnny Cash wasn't alive to hear it. He may have had to throw Adam into an actual ring of fire on principal. I have to agree with Simon's critique... it was UTTER RUBBISH!

The big winners for the night were Kris Allen with his sweet ballad (who knew?!) and Anoop who yanked himself back from obscurity with a really cool version of "Always On My Mind". He single handedly revived Willie Nelson's career but Willie will have to sing that song with RnB flavour from now on.

One more thing...

Apparently this vid features all women drivers but I am so sure they were aliens in womens clothing because we all know that WE ARE FANTASTIC DRIVERS.
(Make sure you mute the annoying music.)




Cutting Through The Cussing

Thursday, March 05, 2009 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 11 Comments »
I admit, this post is entirely inspired by the beginning of DeNae's latest post of genius and hilarity. She is one of my favourite bloggerers and a fellow-hitchhiker and I hope that this sucking up brings me some forgiveness for hitching my post to her post...

I am, in essence, continuing my comment to her - on here. And I feel I can do this because she was obviously inspired by my post "Sanity Saver" in which I talk about eliciting good behaviour from the savage beasts (otherwise known as children) using music. Or, as DeNae puts it... "neutralizing your offspring". Clearly, DeNae used my post as her inspiration.

On the subject of "cussing", and I hesitate to use the word because to me, saying "cuss" is akin to actually cussing, I'd like to offer the opinion that a swear word is in the ear of the beholder. Where I come from, "dam-" is as mild as saying, "darn" and "he--" barely registers a two on the EEEK Scale. (Ten being the dreaded F.)

Luckily, before I set foot on these fair shores, MM warned me that the mess coming out of my mouth was likely to give his mother a stroke so I edited my speech most carefully for her sake. Not so my friend Moana who flew over here with me. We forgot to tell her.

"Da--, I love this place! Hello Mrs MM's mother! How the he-- are ya?"

But, should you ever find yourself in New Zealand, there are some things to take note of...

You will probably never come across anyone blessed with the name "Randy" in New Zealand because randy means... "A man who is very fond of the ladies in the very intimate sense of the very frequent frequency." A person of this notoriety would be referred to as a "Randy Bugger".

Nor should you ever use the word "root" as it literally means "to have s@x". Just to illustrate the importance of this point: A female visitor from the USA said... My first time in New Zealand I made the unfortunate mistake of listing off my hobbies to a family that had me over for tea.... among my hobbies? "I like to root for the football team!" One of the boys said, "What, the WHOLE team??"

Not to mention that a few nights ago on American Idol, Adam Lambert gave the NZ equivalent of the "middle finger" gesture (only much worse) while he was trotting down the steps with the other privileged eleven. It might have been the peace sign, only the knuckles were facing OUT. In New Zealand this gesture would have had him decapitated or castrated... whichever end was closest.

 I do believe that one should tread carefully when accusing others of using foul language because in their country they could quite literally be inviting you to dinner and not in fact, telling you that you are the slime that lives off the grime that inhabits a Vogon's left armpit.



(Vogon with aforementioned 'covered' armpits, for which we are grateful.)




Idol Retort

Thursday, January 22, 2009 Posted In , , , , Edit This 8 Comments »
If I needed another reason to watch Idol (and I don't), reason appeared in the form of Adam Lambert, from the Broadway show "Wicked", auditioning in San Francisco! (He played "Fiero"). He is already famous! And a good singer, if you don't mind effeminate hand gestures, and I don't.

And, I haven't noticed this before, but he really looks like Joe Jonas from "The Jonas Brothers" band. If you have pre-teens, you'll know who I am talking about.

Adam...

Joe...

My favourite worst: Dean Anthony Bradford, "Failed Entrepreneur" mangled Simply Red's "Stars". If the bad singing didn't do him in, the coat and the weird facial contortions would have.


My other favourite worst: Tiffany Shedd. Simey called her a donkey except donkeys don't wear such atrocious make-up.


I was a bit surprised with the judges reaction to Mark Mudd's casual remark, "Be careful." Anybody would have thought he was about to lob a hand-grenade at them! "Was that a threat? I think he just threatened us!" Come on, you sissy girls, he was just saying "goodbye"!


Finally, this is a girl we will probably be seeing alot of whether she makes it in American Idol or not. Joanna Pacitti. Looks and talent.

She reminds me of myself...



American Idol Sucks... in a Good Way

Friday, January 16, 2009 Posted In , , , , Edit This 13 Comments »
Why is it that so many people, who OBVIOUSLY can't sing, audition for American Idol? And why are they so gobsmacked when they don't get a golden ticket?

Who told them they had talent anyway?

I felt very sorry for Michael Nicewonder but he was my favourite worst...

...or this guy, I can't decide...


Don't you love a man who can wear a woman's top and get away with it?

I couldn't find the pic of Jared Wiley who, "climbed the frothy mountains" but he got top billing also.

I die of embarrassment on their behalf when they beg to be humiliated on worldwide tv, but this is a huge part of the entertainment factor for me. And let's face it, if the show didn't have the weirdos and crazies, I probably wouldn't watch it.

And is it just me, or does Danny Gokey look ALOT like Robert Downey Junior, without the drug addiction?

Fake Robert...

Real Robert...


I only disagreed with Simon (hereafter to be known as "Simey") about two people. The bikini girl (vomit) shouldn't have made it and the Banana Guy should. He was GREAT.

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