And Then There Were Three

Thursday, May 07, 2009 Posted In , , , , Edit This 21 Comments »
I wasn't surprised that Allison got the boot on AI. She's a great kid but she was seriously out-gunned. Adam is a professional entertainer who can distort perfectly good songs and get away with it. I don't want to like him but he has this whole "charisma, good looks, insane vocal range and blue hair" thing going for him. It's a winning combination.


Danny has some skills though I was a bit worried that his final note, a Psycho-esque screech, would kill the Gokey buzz. It didn't. His fans aren't going to let a little pig squealing change their minds about him. Here is the Gokster's final notes from his infamous rendition of "Scream On" oops, I mean... "Dream On." I hope you have the stomach for it.



Kris was the sweet one who's GINORMOUS female following kept him in contention. He has shown some stamina and skill in the last few weeks and I think I underestimated him. I liked how he sang the Beatles, "Come Together", though the judges lambasted him for it. Shut up judges.


 I won't even comment about Paula's little dance number. Nooo comment.

OK, maybe just a little comment. Crappy lyrics, old moves, ho-hum.



And, what's with Gwen Stefani? She jerked herself around the stage, leaped all over the audience, nearly wiped out jumping off the riser and generally looked like an eedjit.


Then she did PUSH-UPS in the middle of the song. And what was with the weird voice? I don't remember "Just a Girl" sounding so forced. Maybe she'd been snorting something backstage... like her drummer did. Wouldn't you have to be off your face to wear this??


Unlike Kristina, I'm not one to judge, but how seriously can you take a rock band who's drummer wears a tutu? I hope this is just a temporary drug addiction. Any more of this rubbish and they'll have to change their name from "No Doubt" to "No Class."

Bad Mood Zone

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 Posted In , , Edit This 19 Comments »
I should never have got out of bed today. Today just didn't go right. I'm not naming names but someone left the gas stove on all night, someone squished a bike helmet backing out of the garage this morning and someone left my car radio on the Country Western station. As if that wasn't enough, my favourite show was zapped by a power cut to the DVR so after all this abuse I was forced to eat chocolate to take my mind off it. Which is like the worst thing I could do to myself.

But, I came to my senses and went to my garden and yanked some vegetables out. I quickly ate about ten pounds of carrots and swiss chard to counter the chocolate effects. I think I caught it in time...

Thank goodness for American Idol. I can take my frustrations out on Paula. Which is kind of cruel, because she singlehandedly supports an entire third world country with her annual lipgloss purchases. They even named their new shade in her honour. It's called "Slimy Pink Teeth'. So, even though she's a shameless suck up, she's a really good person too.

I am not surprised that Matt got hoofed off Idol but I was surprised that the Judges saved him. He can sing okay but he doesn't have the support of Lil who has 100% of the African American population behind her no matter how much genre-hopping she does. If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say that Adam Lambert is going to win this competition. In spite of his Rapidly-Becoming-Trademark-Screech. Which I don't like but find strangely fascinating.

I wonder which Disco song he will be screeching next week? I'd like to see him sing "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees. Can we send in our requests?

Cutting Through The Cussing

Thursday, March 05, 2009 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 11 Comments »
I admit, this post is entirely inspired by the beginning of DeNae's latest post of genius and hilarity. She is one of my favourite bloggerers and a fellow-hitchhiker and I hope that this sucking up brings me some forgiveness for hitching my post to her post...

I am, in essence, continuing my comment to her - on here. And I feel I can do this because she was obviously inspired by my post "Sanity Saver" in which I talk about eliciting good behaviour from the savage beasts (otherwise known as children) using music. Or, as DeNae puts it... "neutralizing your offspring". Clearly, DeNae used my post as her inspiration.

On the subject of "cussing", and I hesitate to use the word because to me, saying "cuss" is akin to actually cussing, I'd like to offer the opinion that a swear word is in the ear of the beholder. Where I come from, "dam-" is as mild as saying, "darn" and "he--" barely registers a two on the EEEK Scale. (Ten being the dreaded F.)

Luckily, before I set foot on these fair shores, MM warned me that the mess coming out of my mouth was likely to give his mother a stroke so I edited my speech most carefully for her sake. Not so my friend Moana who flew over here with me. We forgot to tell her.

"Da--, I love this place! Hello Mrs MM's mother! How the he-- are ya?"

But, should you ever find yourself in New Zealand, there are some things to take note of...

You will probably never come across anyone blessed with the name "Randy" in New Zealand because randy means... "A man who is very fond of the ladies in the very intimate sense of the very frequent frequency." A person of this notoriety would be referred to as a "Randy Bugger".

Nor should you ever use the word "root" as it literally means "to have s@x". Just to illustrate the importance of this point: A female visitor from the USA said... My first time in New Zealand I made the unfortunate mistake of listing off my hobbies to a family that had me over for tea.... among my hobbies? "I like to root for the football team!" One of the boys said, "What, the WHOLE team??"

Not to mention that a few nights ago on American Idol, Adam Lambert gave the NZ equivalent of the "middle finger" gesture (only much worse) while he was trotting down the steps with the other privileged eleven. It might have been the peace sign, only the knuckles were facing OUT. In New Zealand this gesture would have had him decapitated or castrated... whichever end was closest.

 I do believe that one should tread carefully when accusing others of using foul language because in their country they could quite literally be inviting you to dinner and not in fact, telling you that you are the slime that lives off the grime that inhabits a Vogon's left armpit.



(Vogon with aforementioned 'covered' armpits, for which we are grateful.)




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