The Perils of Push-Up

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 Edit This 12 Comments »
The only thing worse than having girls old enough to get "trainer" bras, is having to go out and buy the things.  Apart from tampons, bras are my least favourite thing to purchase in public.  Standing in the checkout line (i.e.- purgatory) is bad enough.  Then you have to place your goods on the conveyor belt so that everyone behind you can get a better look at your cup size.  At least with tampons, you can have your husband buy them for you. 

But, bras are not something you can trust your husband to purchase.  Not that MM has ever volunteered for the job.  To be fair, it's considered perfectly normal for a woman to browse the men's undies aisles but thoroughly creepy for a man to lurk around the brassieres.  Besides that, men just don't have the necessary information to navigate the confusing selection.  The last time I saw a boy in the bra department, all he did was point at a padded bra and say, "Wow!  Now they have BUILT-IN boobs!" 

I'm not sure why they make push-up bras for twelve year olds but I am pretty sure that Satan was involved in the design of them.  There is a ton of padding stuffed in there but very little actual fabric.  And, they're neon coloured prints with cupids bows and lace!  Oh, I must be in the wrong place.  Somehow, I stumbled into the "Please Turn My Daughter Into A Ho" section. 

I just want a simple supportive bra for a 'barely there' chest.  That's all.  She doesn't need to have a silhouette like Marilyn Munroe.  She's not ready to be hurtled breast head first through puberty.  Even though I've been told that apparently, all the girls wear these contraptions.  Which tells me that their mothers have joined the Dark Side.  There is nothing more disturbing than seeing ten and eleven year olds walking around with Double D's.

As for me... can I please have my baby girl for a little bit longer?  Just long enough for her to realize she will never need to be "pushed up".

If she is anything like her mother, she will be wearing these soon enough...




12 brilliant observations:

One Cluttered Brain said...

Brilliant post! I just want my baby girl back too. She is 10 going on 16 some days...

Kristina P. said...

I would NEVER send my husband to buy a bra. He breaks out in hives buying tampons for me.

I don't remember how old I was when I started wearing a bra. Perhaps I should have worn one more often, so they wouldn't be down to my ankles.

DeNae said...

I started my girls in the sports bra department. I mean my daughters, not my, you know, "girls".

And I love that picture, RM!! I'm glad you went ahead and posted this. It's hysterical!

(and no dead kitties! yay!!)

in time out said...

I am so there with you. This is a hard one. I want her wearing something so the little somethings don't show through....yet wishing we were in the stage right before this and I could freeze time. So hard to watch them grow up. Love the post...

Sherrie said...

I love this picture! You sure do know how to brighten my day. Thank You. I agree whole heartedly though, I wish the clothing these days didn't have to make our kids feel like that have to dress so grown up and "ho'ish"... I would love to have my 15 year old daughter not appear to be 20 something! And I would love to not hear "But Moommmm.... all the girles are wearing them"! I hate shopping for clothes, bra's and underwear included!

The Garden of Egan said...

Well, I like DaNae's idea of being in the sports bra section. Those are the ones I am wearing. When I buy a bra there's an Aaron Neville song always in the background...."don't have much...."
Yup, flatsy, that's me.

Unfortunately, both of my daughters take after my mom......HELLO!!!!!

rachel said...

I am so not looking forward to this!!

Loralee and the gang... said...

My husband has NEVER bought me tampons. To be fair, he warned me that he never would when we were first married. (I have to say this is one of his few faults)
So I stock up on the big boxes from Costco. Waay better price, anyway.
I just had to buy bras for my 12 year old. I forbid anything but white or cream, and bought the least padded one I could find. The only ones without padding weren't even real bras! So I am on your side.

Lucy said...

So true! What else can I say.

joy said...

You are funny!!! Maybe you weren't trying to be...but I can relate. We always said to the kids, it was breaking the rules to "grow up". Needless to say they're not very obedient. My baby is 15! Only 3 more years and the world will consider her an adult. And it is a cold cruel world. We just need to keep them close and love them and try not to hold on too tight. And always remember we're not the only ones who love them! Someone much more powerful and amazing than us loves them too. Great post, funny ;). Love, Joy

Bebe said...

lol. We're in the Trainer Department right there with you. My daughter's first was a pink and gray striped thing full of padding. She can't ever wear it because it shows through everything. Obviously, I was not consulted on that purchase...

crystal b. said...

I've been wondering what happened to my bra! I've missed you R! Hope all is well.