No Suicides Please

Monday, November 24, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
We drove into the city late at night. Have you ever been to Turk Street? No? Don't put it on your itinerary when you visit San Francisco. We parked and walked to W's hotel being careful to step around the homeless people and the streams of pee. The hotel itself was a very nice one but the police sirens going off at ten minute intervals may make sleep quite impossible. Earplugs optional; waterproof boots recommended.


You can't visit San Francisco and not go on a cable car. $35 for the seven of us to ride for ten minutes? Yup... highway robbery. San Francisco is one big money vacuum. Expect to pay vast amounts for parking and food. We ate at Fisherman’s Wharf. (What’s with the 3.5% health tax tagged onto the food bill? “Here’s your food and thanks for paying for my flu shot.” ?? )



We walked across the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s not so much golden as… red. M had a little tantrum about not wanting to carry his jacket and was sent into time out. He slumped onto the deck right under the "Don't-Commit-Suicide-Please Emergency Phone". He was not amused when I yelled, "DON’T JUMP!"




I'm glad we took plenty of pictures before the city installs a new steel 'suicide net' to catch would-be jumpers next year. I wonder how they are going to keep the thrill seekers from throwing themselves into the net? Will they post a sign saying, "If You Jump Off Here Because You Want A Cheap Thrill And Not Because You Really, Really Want To Die, You Will Be In Big Trouble Buster!" ?

Actually, that could be quite fun to do. (Note to self: Go back to SF and jump off Golden Gate Bridge ...wheeeeee!)


The fog rolled in and obscured half of the bridge. It seemed like it jutted out into nowhere.  See how it hangs in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't? (My whole life I've wanted to use the previous sentence. For all my Douglas Adams fans. And that would be - just me.)



So Thrilled

Sunday, November 23, 2008 Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
I am so excited that I have managed to post something on my blog every day for NaBloPoMo. Day 23 is here and I am doing great. So great. Very great. Awesome.
I have lots to share and I am so, so pleased to share my life with you, my lovely audience. All two of you. Every day. Every, every day. And today. Tomorrow. And the next day.

Wonderful. Indeed.

Running out of things to say? Moi?


NEVER!


Experience The Rock

Saturday, November 22, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I did not enjoy my stay at the maximum security penitentiary. The toilet was blocked, the bed was hard and lumpy and the room was only 5' wide x 9' long x 7' high. We were told, "You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. Anything else you get is a privilege."
Such was the beginning of our evening tour of Alcatraz. It was the last stop for the most criminal of criminals. I read on the wall, "You break the rules, you get sent to prison. You break the rules in prison, you get sent to Alcatraz."
While we were touring the prison, we are treated like we were convicts. We were ordered to 'walk on the left side', 'stop at the end of the hall,' and 'enter your cell'.
We learned that the prison guards and their families lived on the island! They had a recreation centre for the children and all sorts of modern conveniences. The children would sail to San Francisco for school and come home at the end of the day. They felt so safe that they didn't even lock their doors. Most of the guards also worked at Ghirardelli's chocolate factory across the Bay. They brought home free chocolate for the children. The convicts were tortured by the smell of chocolate wafting past their deprived nostrils!
I don't know how the inmates survived this lifestyle. The intent was to keep the criminals locked up until they were no longer considered "disruptive" or "incorrigible". Al Capone was kept there but spent most of his time in the prison hospital. Some couldn't wait to get out. Five of them committed suicide and fourteen attempted escape.
I was ready to escape after about two hours. The place gave me the willies.





But, despite my discomfort, I took the time to choose an appropriate gift for the children I had to leave at home. They will be so excited to receive the genuine imitation gold Alcatraz fridge magnet.



Epicenter

Friday, November 21, 2008 Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Our fair city welcomed my brother W by giving him a nice little earthquake jolt at about 4.30am. Luckily the kids didn't wake up. Apparently it was a 4.1, only it felt like a 6 because it was centred near here. I later found out that it is good to have little earthquakes to relieve the pressure along the plate margins to prevent the BIG ONE. So they say. I hope they know what they're talking about.

When the quake hit MM and I were jerked awake. I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Did the earth move for you too?"
He said, "Yes", and went back to sleep.

Mexico Rocks!

Thursday, November 20, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I was nominated "chief haggler" when we went to Mexico today. I was doing a grand job of bargaining with the street hawkers but my conscience pricked me a bit when I talked one man down from $27 to $6 for a pair of sterling silver necklaces. I wondered if he was walking away muttering angrily because he didn't get to scalp me or because he was felt like he was scalped. Whatever the reason, I felt bad that maybe I had paid too little... or not..?

These feelings did not last long. My sister-in-law and I walked down Avenida Revolucion looking for a dress for P. One man stood out in front of us, (as they do) opened his arms wide and boomed, "My turn! You come to my shop! Everything only $2! Come in!"
So, we obediently followed him in and found a pretty little dress that P tried on. "Is it really only $2?" we asked.
"Of course! Everything is $2! Look around! I have lots of lovely things!"
Wow... ok.
Then we go to pay for the dress. "That will be $24."
WOT? "You just said everything was $2!"
"I did not. I said that everything was $2 OFF! You did not hear me."
To her credit, S didn't call him a very bad name, but instead walked toward the door telling him she didn't want the dress anymore.
I, on the other hand, was incensed! "You (sir) are a LIAR (and a cad)." Then we left pretty quickly with him still trailing us with offers of reduced prices. "My brother next door will sell you the same thing for $4 more... where are you from? ahh, you are my neighbour... I remember you! Come on... come back!"

I know that times are tough but resorting to such tactics creates bad feelings between vendor and customer and taints all the honest vendors (if there are any?). However, it is true that Tijuana is a unique place where locals bend the rules and think of interesting ways to part you from your money. According to some people, this adds to it's appeal.

In the end, we bought a lovely dress for $7 in the marketplace. We felt good about the price and the girl who sold it to us was happy enough. A bargain.

What I learned from this: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is (obviously I need to learn this more than once!) and "No. Gracias." is the best response even if you have to say it more than twenty times to the sad faced man who has followed you, pleading, for the last three blocks.

School Conversation Take II

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Moi: Hi! How was your day?
A: Fine.
Moi: What did you learn at school?
A: That there is no such thing as a straight line.
Moi: Oh, fabulous! That is great... um... would you... like some... chocolate?


Old dogs can learn new tricks.

Baby Booms

Tuesday, November 18, 2008 Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
My niece P, who came to visit Moi all the way from Australia, says the funniest things.
I walked into C's room and saw P explaining something to her. "This (pointing at her camisole) is for my booms."
C was confused, "For your what?"
"My booms. This. Is for my booms."
C and I looked at each other and laughed out loud.
Booms! The child is only three years old!
Her mother swears that there is no "boom talk" happening around her house and P doesn't watch anything but Barbie movies so let's think... When was the last time Barbie talked about her booms? Or was it a movie when Barbie made reference to someone else's booms?

Maybe she watched "The Pacifier". I think there was some talk about Vin Diesel's booms... as I remember, he had rather an impressive set.

Is this just a phase? Do you think we should be worried?

Taking The Garbage OUT

Monday, November 17, 2008 Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I had a very strange conversation with a visitor to our home the other day. I hope I can convey how comical it was...

K: I noticed that you said "rubbish" earlier. What does that mean?
Moi: It means "rubbish".
K: Yes, but does it mean something else?
Moi: ?
MM: She says "rubbish" like we say, "trash".
K: Yes, I know that but what else does it mean?
Moi: It means "rubbish".
K: But, what is the actual word that you use for trash? Like, do you ever say "garbage"?
Moi: We say "rubbish".
K: But what is the word in the dictionary for trash? Do you call it "GARBAGE?"
Moi: Nope. "Rubbish".

By this time everyone is repeating to K what I am saying "...rubbish, it's rubbish...instead of trash, they SAY RUBBISH!"

K: Well, do you EVER say "garbage"?
Moi: No, We... Say... "Rubbish". (I know, patience of a saint.)

K: So, is "garbage" even IN your dictionary?

Moi: NO! WE DON'T HAVE THE WORD "GARBAGE" IN DICTIONARIES IN NEW ZEALAND BECAUSE WE VOTED IT OUT AND REPLACED IT WITH... "SMELLY STUFF THAT YOU THROW IN THE RUBBISH."

Nope, that's what I WISH I said. This is what I actually said...

"Yes."

No More Oprah Books

Sunday, November 16, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 5 Comments »
I've been looking for a good book review blog and I can't find one that meets my criteria. Let me explain first... I like reading CLEAN i.e. non-profane, non-skin, non-horror, non-gore, non-prissy, non-depressing, non-Harlequin, non-drug addict, non-macabre, non-vampire, non-Stephenie Meyer books. But, I am finding that choosing a book is a gamble. It's impossible to know whether there are any of the 'nons' in there without reading it!
So, in the past, I've had to fork out the $$, take it home, read the first ten pages then throw it down in disgust, having encountered the first obscene word that I unfortunately did not uncover during my initial flick through at 'Barned and Nobbled'.

So, what now? Take it back to the shop and rant? "I cannot BELIEVE you sold me this... this... piece of RUBBISH! Have you LOOKED IN THERE? HAVE YOU? It's got RUDE WORDS in it! Didn't you CHECK IT before you put it on the shelf?"

I want to bypass all that aggro and just buy a good clean book. And don't tell me to get it from the library because I still have to go through the same process minus the throwing it on the floor, shouting at the staff part. And besides, if I like the book, I want to keep it.

If you come across a good book review blog that meets my criteria, let me know. If I get more than 1000 books in my Literature Collection, (currently at 350) MM may be frustrated enough with the swaying towers of books in our bedroom; to build me an extra room that I shall name "MY NON LIBRARY".




Gasp! Be still my heart!...

Another New Zealand Tourist Attraction

Saturday, November 15, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
The following article is funny a) because my best friend lives in Palmerston North and my sister had lived there for years, b) because I think John Cleese is the second funniest man on earth, and c)his remarks are probably true.

A New Zealand city dubbed the "suicide capital" by John Cleese has responded by naming a rubbish heap at the local dump after the British comedian.
The sign for Mt Cleese has been erected by an anonymous donor more than a year after Cleese revealed he had a "thoroughly bloody miserable time" in Palmerston North, about 150km north of the capital, Wellington.
The star of television comedies Monty Python's Flying Circus, Fawlty Towers and films including The Life of Brian and A Fish called Wanda brought his theatre show to Palmerston North in late 2005.
Later on his website, the lanky performer referred to the city as the "suicide capital of New Zealand." If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick," he wrote.



What a load of rubbish!

Eavesdropping at the Nail Salon

Saturday, November 15, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I went to get a pedicure today. My second time ever. I sat down and put my feet in the water. The Malaysian girl mumbled something unintelligible.
"Um...'scuse me?"
"Mumble, mumble, shooshly wug!"
"No, sorry, I'm not getting it."
"Humph..." the girl waves at something.
What? I give up.
"Oh, ok, if you think so." I say, hoping this appeases her. It seems to work. She nods and resumes working then immediately starts chatting in Malay to the girl next to her. They talk and laugh and occasionally glance at me while they work and as they do this a suspicion forms in my mind.
I bet they're talking about ME!
I am convinced that I know exactly what they are saying. Here is how it went...
"Can you believe this white lady came in with hooves like this?! When do you think the last time she had a pedicure was? 1900?" (Laugh, cackle.)
"Have you ever seen such a bad case of hammer toe in your life? It's a wonder she can walk! And those callouses! It's gonna take me years to shave those off!" (Guffaw, guffaw.)

I.


CAN'T.


BELIEVE.


SHE.


SAID THAT!


I am NOT WHITE! I AM A MAORI!


I Learned a New Thing!

Friday, November 14, 2008 Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Check out this fabulous new signature (below) that I have just added to my post! Yay me! Or Moi! If you have always wanted to post a signature to your blogs automatically, then you have come to the right place! To save you the hassle of googling and scrolling for the information, I listed some simple step-by-step instructions below. I am good like that.

First click here to create your signature.

1) Click on 'Create Signature'
2) Click on 'Using the Signature Creation Wizard'
3) Enter your name
4) Select your font
5) Choose your colour
6) Choose one of the slope settings
7) Your signature is ready, so click on 'Want To Use This Signature?'
8) Click on 'Generate HTML code'
9) Click on 'Generate a Code for my Handwritten Signature'
10) Highlight and copy the HTML code

THEN

1) Log into your blogger account
2) From your Dashboard choose 'settings'
3) Choose 'formatting'
4) Scroll down to where it says 'post template' to the left of the text box
5) Paste the code into the box
6) Click 'save settings '

Now, each time you click on 'new post' you will see your signature is already in place!

Now, hurry up and GO DO IT! Then send me a comment with a link to your post so I can see your pretty signature...

Don't Mess With The Universe!

Thursday, November 13, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
We went to see Madagascar 2 because the kids JUST HAD to see it. I don't recommend it...
The slapstick is awful, the dialogue contrived and patronizing and there are more than a few tasteless references to the derrière. Not to mention that this is the ONLY theatre movie I have ever fallen asleep watching. Not worth it. Save your money. Although the children are still chanting the one song that appealed to them, ("I like 'em BIG, I like 'em CHUNKY!"), I suggest you see Kung Fu Panda instead.

I took my daughter to the hairdresser after the movie. She wanted to get a cut while I was getting a colour. She asked for her hair to be layered. Fifteen minutes later I looked over and saw carnage all over the floor! The stylist (aka Mrs Scissorhands) had given her a bowl head!
My own stylist was so horrified that she complained to the Manager on our behalf, gave C some highlights to 'feminize' the cut and sent us a free haircut voucher which is no compensation to an eleven year old who has to attend school all day looking like she is still wearing her bicycle helmet.

This is C before:



This is C after:



Thank goodness for the highlights!

The moral of the story is...
Never go to a movie sequel and get your hair cut on the same day! It messes with the cosmos and no amount of feng shui is gonna help you then.

Update: C went to school feeling very apprehensive, then FIVE people told her she looks like Rihanna! (you know... that R&B, pop-star girl from Barbados.) So here is what Rihanna looks like...



... and the only reason I don't yet have an 'after' pic of C here is because she refused to let the camera within fifty feet of her. Keep your eyes peeled tho' because I am wearing her down!

Here it is...



M's Road Rules

Wednesday, November 12, 2008 Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
This is M's lesson for Family Home Evening.

"My lesson is... (cough)... about... uh... Road Rules for Kids. You should.... ummm... look left and right... when you... turn and... not... uh...crash into cars... or people. Amen."

I feel much better.


Playing Chicken With The Postman

Wednesday, November 12, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I had an "uh oh" moment this week when the neighbours gave M a GO-KART. Yeah - it has wheels AND an engine. In my opinion, these two items should never be together in one contraption where a ten year old boy is involved. Anyway, it is now his MOST TREASURED POSSESSION.
So, I watched him zoom around the cul-de-sac for an hour or so, then assigned him the Family Home Evening lesson - "Road Rules You Should Never Break Especially When Your Mother Is Watching".

I know the postman wasn't amused when M went full speed right at him. Waving my arms and screeching, "BRAKE, YOU IDIOT, BRAKE!" surely didn't help community relations. But I was actually talking to the small idiot boy, not the big one.

"Pit Crew!"

Choir Of Angels We Aren't

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I'm feeling sentimental so here is my annual FAVOURITE THINGS ON SUNDAY posting. Feel free to fast-forward to the next post if you don't like a bit of mushy indulgence but I'm telling you, it's the best part... (and there is no next post yet... har har)

The best thing about church last Sunday was when my friend Erika Lundquist and her family sang the interlude hymn, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" in Italian. It was so touching although I didn't understand the words. It reminded me that the spirit can speak to you no matter what language you are hearing. But, what really got me teary was Aurora, smiling ear-to-ear and singing her little heart out with her brothers! She is so sweet!

Then it all went to heck when the congregation joined in on the 4th verse. I don't think the people behind me got the memo because they were singing the 2nd verse and the Lundquists were still singing in Italian so who knows what verse they were singing...then the rest of the congregation gave up trying to get it right and different pews were singing different verses and it dissolved into a big fat hilarious MESS. Later, MM asked me if his organ playing was out of sync with the piano because he couldn't hear it... and I said, "Well it was such a disaster, I don't think anyone noticed." "Oh GOOD!" says MM.

You have reached the END OF THE MUSHINESS. Please make your way to the nearest exit and be sure to visit again soon.

Acapella Star Wars Tribute

Monday, November 10, 2008 Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »


You will LOVE this if you like Star Wars or John Williams!



Christmas Shopping List 2008

Monday, November 10, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »

It's never too early to start shopping for the perfect present for that person who has everything. These selections are sure to please! Just helping you out. You know me.
How about a Stylish Red High-Heel Doorstop?






For the person who annoys you... the Backward Clock!






Control-A-Kid. Virtual parenting at the touch of a button!
Buttons include 'Do Homework', 'Eat Greens', 'Kiss Granny', 'Tidy Room' and 'Grow Up'. No batteries required - powered by positive thinking.
Operating Instructions:
1. Point remote at subject.
2. Push any button.
3. Hope for the best.




Perfect for your best friend's home office! A Beautiful Tissue Box!









For the Star Wars fanatic... Clone Wars Rubber Duckies!








The perfect book for the egomaniac in your life!











How about a Darth Tater to add to your child's (or your) collection?









For your mother-in-law: stylish yet practical... Onion Goggles! (And get a pair for yourself!)





Irritating. Annoying. Infuriating. "Sat Nag" - the in-car nagging system. Push the button to hear highly irritating comments. For example:
'In 100 metres, I'm going to ask you to move into the slow lane so I can fix my make up.'
'You have reached your destination. You may now throttle your passenger.'
'I know you're a man, but it's been 45 minutes now. Can you please admit we're lost and ask someone the way?'


Super Saturday On Friday

Sunday, November 09, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I don't know why I signed up to do this. I haven't touched one since I was twelve. Maybe I thought I could handle it now I'm nearly grown up. But, as I walked in the room, the sight of it sitting there made me palpitate. My hands went all clammy and my right eye started to twitch. This is the awful sight that greeted me! Eeek!

OK... it's fine... just act casual. Step into the room... gather up my fabric... smile to the nice ladies... "oh hi, nice to see you!"... walk over to the machines. Keep smiling. "hi!... oh, hi!" That's good... keep walking. "Oh darn! It looks like all the machines are taken! Well, that's okay! I'll just sit over here by the um... cake... and wait for a... oh... you're finished? Already? No one else waiting? Oh, so kind! Thank you!"
Breathe in... breathe out...
Casually slide into the seat and try to look like I know what I'm doing. "O......K..... here we are... good... this is ... good... now.... let's see.... you put the .... over here... and the.... now where is that?... here we go... um... where is the thingie that holds it down?... yeah the lever for the foot... where's that?... what's it doing over there?... alright... I got it now....how do I make it go? Oh that's right, you push down on the... yep .... whoa!... not so fast... oops, did I do that? How do you untangle the... oh, it's broken? It was like that when I got here... who used this last? Gosh!
Alright, I'll use that one... oh wow... does it always sew backwards?... oh.. I forgot about that ... no, no, I got it. So, I think this side is done. No, it's not crooked... I sewed it like that deliberately ... you haven't heard of freestyling? Straight lines are so 2007 don't you think?
I have to what? Gusset? Oh yes... I gusset all the time... no problem... (what the heck?) Um, I might um... skip... the gusset part... it's just that I have to... go... get a.... drink of water... and retch in the... no, no, I said that I need to "fetch" myself a drink, yes... I'll be right back... because gusseting... is the best part... yes. Thank you, ok so now I turn it inside-out and... oh, it's already inside-out? I knew that. OK, that looks... good... are the handles supposed to be different lengths? No? Well, it makes it unique doesn't it?
Oops, is that a tear? How did that happen? Duct tape over here please! Wow...am I finished? This looks sort of okay!... I'm going to tell MM!
"Guess what honey? I CAN SEW!"

TA DA! (Ignore the little red spots. That's just my blood.)

If you are interested in re-creating the fabulous work of art you see above, I found a link with instructions for something similar here.

Dear Mr President...

Saturday, November 08, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
President Obama Sir,

Since you are new to the job of Boss of America, I am giving you some pointers that will help you to win everlasting appreciation from your constituents. Here is the list. You may want to start moving out on it now. You should:

- Cancel daylight saving. I can't get the hang of it. I keep turning up to church one hour early or one hour late. Cows don't like it either.
- Outlaw broad beans. I never liked those.
- Ban fake grass. What the heck?
- Make profanity illegal and censor all movies to PG.
- Rename celebrity babies ... Pilot Inspektor, Fifi Trixibelle, Sage Moonblood and Moxie Crimefighter. Name them Bob, Doris, Edna and Harold. They will thank you for it.
- Remove Billy Mays infomercials from tv. None of that stuff works.
- Make manufacturers produce instruction manuals that aren't translated from Chinese into English by a Chinese.
- Ban ugly art.

(Jackson Pollock's No.5, $140 million)

- Close all fast-food restaurants but not their playgrounds.
- Re-introduce Prohibition. (This one will really win people over.)
- Arrest anyone who says, "I heart" or "It's hot".
- Promote Ruth Youth International Mormon Appreciation Day: 5 November.
- Get the gays off the LDS church's back.
- Make the White House self-sufficient by putting a veggie garden in the front and a pig farm out the back.

You will find that once you have initiated these changes, your popularity will soar and many McCain voters will begin to worship you.
My second installment will arrive in next month's mail. Don't thank me. I'm just doing my bit for America.

Yours Sincerely,
Moi.


Where Did My Sweet Baby Go?

Friday, November 07, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Some things I should just leave alone. One day I will learn. This is how the actual conversation went:

Moi: What did you learn at school today?
A: That there is no such thing as suction.
Moi: Oh really? Then what does the vacuum cleaner do?
A: It doesn't suck. It blows.
Moi: Really! Then if I ever want to sell it I may have trouble writing the ad. "Vacuum cleaner for sale. Blows great."
A: No! I mean that it blows the air around and the dirt is blown up into it.
Moi: So it creates a vacuum, and you don't want to call it suction?
A: There is NO suction!
Moi: I'm just trying to understand this... are you saying that the air goes outside the machine and blows the dirt up?
A: NO! OH FORGET IT! YOU DON'T KNOW!
Moi: I'm just saying... you may have a hard time blowing your milkshake up the straw... actually, I'd really like to see that...
A: OH STOP IT! I SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN TOLD YOU!
Moi: Well hang on, who told you this anyway?
A: My PHYSICS TEACHER!
Moi: Oh, what's his name?
A: Doctor Blankety Blank.
Moi: Oh, so he's a Doctor? A Doctor of what?
A: Psychology.
Moi: I see.... so a Psychologist told you there is no suction? How would he know?
A: YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!
Moi: I'm just trying to understand... COME BACK HERE!
A: WHAT?
Moi: I think we can agree on this. You say it blows and I say it displaces air to create a vacuum. Vacuums do exist even if you say suction doesn't.
A: NO IT DOESN'T and I... DON'T WANT...TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!! (Flounces out of the room knocking crumbs off the table in the process.)
Moi: YOUNG LADY! You come back here and grab that vacuum cleaner and BLOW THAT MESS OFF THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW!
A: AAARGHHHH!!

All those in favour of homeschooling say AYE!

They're STILL at it?

Thursday, November 06, 2008 Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I just read that hundreds of gay people marched in front of the Los Angeles Temple today in response to "Prop 8" passing. They stopped traffic and caused mayhem. It looks like the woman (I'm guessing its a female) in front holding the (half right) sign doesn't want anyone to know who she is... check out the dark glasses, hat and coat!




This is what others (not necessarily LDS) commented in Deseret News.

"The majority has spoken. I'm not protesting the people who gave Obama the $750 million to win his election. Although I didn't vote for him, he is the president elect and I respect that."

"California doesn't want it. It wasn't the Mormons that defeated gay marriages, it was 2 million Californians that voted against it TWICE."

"Funny how these things only further isolate their cause and marginalize their views. Violent protests over an election are not usually the most effective way to convince the majority."

"Wa wa wa, I didn't get my way!"

Post Election Laugh

Thursday, November 06, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
It's nice to have a break from campaigning. I am relieved that I no longer have to look for the brightest lit carpark to avoid vandalism from anyone offended by the stickers all over our car. The last couple of days I had taken to wearing "Yes on 8" stickers on my back and on my bag in defiance. I must have been quite the spectacle at supermarkets and restaurants. Nobody said anything to me but I got some funny looks. My daughter said, "I'm not coming if you go out like that."

I found some funny statements from court transcripts. It is nice to laugh a bit after the last few tense days...

Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
Witness: "After the accident?"
Lawyer: "Before the accident."
Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."

Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."

Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."

Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
Witness: "Four times."

Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."

Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."


Click here if you want to read more.

We Won! You Lost! Get Over It!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Civil rights groups moved quickly today to challenge Proposition 8, asking the California Supreme Court to strike down the latest attempt to ban same-sex marriage across the state.
While refusing to concede that the ballot measure has passed, gay marriage supporters nevertheless filed a petition with the state's high court in the event the current vote holds and Proposition 8 amends the California constitution to once again outlaw marriage for gay and lesbian couples.
San Francisco City Attorney Dennis Herrera also filed an identical legal challenge in the state Supreme Court, joined by Santa Clara County and the Los Angeles city attorney. San Francisco city officials, who pushed to overturn California's gay marriage laws in the previous court fight, argue that Proposition 8 violates the equal protection rights of gay and lesbian couples.

Here's the article if you want to know more.

More Election Updates...

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
Florida Amendment 2:
Ban on Gay Marriage: PASSED 62% to 38%

Arizona Proposition 102:
Ban on Gay Marriage: PASSED 56% to 44%

Arkansas Initiative 1:
Ban on Gay Couples Adopting Children: PASSED 57% to 43%


From Ron Prentice, Chairman of ProtectMarriage.com – Yes on 8

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
The Yes on Proposition 8 campaign has been the single largest, most powerful grassroots movement in the history of American ballot initiative campaigns. We raised approximately $40 million from over 70,000 individual contributors. We recruited the active support of over 100,000 volunteers who gave tirelessly of their time and energies to our cause. We could not have won without them! These dedicated volunteers have visited millions of homes, made millions of phone calls, distributed over one million yard signs and displayed one million bumper strips. The silent majority is alive and well in California.
Proposition 8 has always been about restoring the traditional definition of marriage. It doesn’t discriminate or take rights away from anyone. Gay and lesbian domestic partnerships will continue to enjoy the same legal rights as married spouses. Our coalition has no plans to seek any changes in that law.
While it will take a few weeks to finish counting all the votes, Proposition 8 takes effect at midnight tonight. Just as it was before the Supreme Court’s ruling, only marriage between a man and a woman will be valid or recognized in California, regardless of when or where performed.
This has been a hard-fought campaign on both sides. Now that the people of California have decided this issue, we hope there can be a healing among all and a continued respect for the diverse views that have been expressed during this campaign.
California’s vote in favor of traditional marriage should give the silent majority comfort that they do have a voice and can and should stand up for this precious institution in legislatures throughout the world.
Marriage is between a man and a woman.

AMEN!

Ask Me!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Today whilst at the gas station, a man approached MM and asked for spare change because he could not afford to buy gas. MM walked over and proceeded to pump gas into his truck. The guy thanked him, "Bless you!" then left. This is not the first time this has happened. It seems that every other time we go out, we are approached by someone wanting something. MM is approached by guys with empty gas tanks and I get Mothers From the Ukraine Who Can't Speak English Holding Crying Babies.

Seriously, I wonder why they always target us? Do we have a sign on our foreheads that only needy people can see? What does it say? "I will pay for your stuff." or, "Free money...apply here."?

I'm only saying this because the first three or four times we gave out food/money/gas I was thinking, "How do we know they aren't going to drive straight to a bar and get legless, then smash into some poor chap on the freeway?" Should we discontinue our almsgiving until we know that the gift will not be abused?

The Lord said... And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish. (Mosiah 4:16)

He does not mention that we should first ensure that the receiver use our alms wisely. Only that we give them. I consider it a blessing to have enough to share (usually) which is a good thing, because we have these signs on our foreheads and I think they're permanent...


52% to 48%

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »

Pyzam Glitter Text Maker

I saw the statistics on the California Secretary of State website at 7am this morning. The website was updating because not all results were in yet but enough of the big players had been polled to carry the proposition through.
I had hoped to post the map showing results by county but it won't refresh right now. People are jamming up the servers... this was such a hot bed of contention!

Thanks to all the hard working Yessers! I'm inviting you all to our "We Passed Prop 8" party!


It's A Violation!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 Posted In , Edit This 4 Comments »
I wasn't going to say anything, I really wasn't but I saw it again today (completely by accident) and I just HAVE to say something.

I SERIOUSLY object to the phrase "I heart you", or "I heart purple geckos", or whatever they HEART! Have these people forgotten how to write properly? Are they grammatically challenged or just lack imagination? Do they think that writing the word "heart" will make you magically see the heart, like on the t-shirts?

In my opinion, using the word "heart" this way is an indication of:
a) a desire to follow tacky fads regardless of how tasteless, overused and cheesy they are
b) an inablility to be original
c) a personality disorder

It reminds me of when a certain repugnant heiress whose name will not besmirch my blog started saying, "That's hot", and suddenly everybody and everything was "hot". Excuse me while I puke. Like, can you please go to like, Vocabulary School?

If you want 'heart' to be a part of your pithy posting, why don't you post a picture of a heart? That would make more sense. Then, instead of my reaction being: "Oh come on! Get a life!", it would be, "Ooooh..... how pretty.... what a lovely picture of a lovely heart so cleverly inserted in the fabulous and grammatically correct sentence...ooooh!"

Join with me to stop HEART ABUSE!

Vote YES on "Prevention of Inappropriate "Heart" Posting!"

So You Like My Daughter eh?

Monday, November 03, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 5 Comments »
In light of M.'s recently acquired 'Chick Magnet' status and A.'s impending hormone wave, we thought it pertinent to plan for the inevitable "dating" (I hate that word!), because in my opinion, it's never too early to prepare.
I am departing somewhat from her father's instructions, given the day A. was born. When I handed him his newborn baby girl the first thing he sternly told those little blue eyes was, "...These are the rules: No boys." (He really did!) However, I do want her to get married when she is thirty-five or so; so this is the application form we will be requiring all prospective "dates" to fill out prior to approval of the event. Once we have approved the date, further instructions will be provided.

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.
Name:___________________ Nickname/Alias:___________________
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:___ Weight:____ I.Q.:___ G.P.A.:____Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Driver's License#____________ Boy Scout Rank:_________
Home Address:_______________________________
Cell Phone#:_________ MySpace: ______________ Facebook:_________
Do you own a. Van?___b. Truck with oversized tires?___
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____
Do you have any of the following: a. An earring__ b. nose ring__
c. belly button ring__ piercings on any other body parts___
Explain:_______________________________ Tattoo?______

If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.
Ward you attend_________How often______ Best time to interview your Bishop _____
Please fill in the blanks:
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want broken is: ____________________________________________________
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is: ____________________________________________________
c. Now answer the question you filled in on b: ____________________________________________________
I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers. Signature_____________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 years for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing black suits and answering to the names "Gus" and "Louie".


(Thanks to GranGran for most of this content.)

No ifs, ands or Butts

Sunday, November 02, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
In the spirit of tolerance and cultural sensitivity (such hot buttons these days), I thought I would share a little bit about me. I'm starting with "Things I Never Do" and "What I Hope You Never Do" when you are around me or mine. Just fyi. Helping you out here. You know me.

There is something I see in this country that you will never, ever, ever see in a maori home (because our mamas done told us NO). In New Zealand it is more than a faux pas, more than bad manners and more than lack of hygiene. It is tapu. Sacred and forbidden.

Please, please, please! never SIT YOUR BUMS... on... TABLES! There you have it. This is the worst thing you could do in my presence. Literally. You could moonwalk past buck naked and spit in my face and it wouldn't have the same effect as if you sat on my table, or counter. I kid you not. Maoris treat their food as a sacred gift from God and do not allow the food preparation areas to be polluted. If the surface of a 'thing' could conceivably at any time in it's life support food - we don't sit on it.

There have been a few times when I have witnessed this happening and let me tell you what happens to me... I start feeling vomitous... I have to leave the room or cover my face and try to convince my eyes that they did not see what they thought they saw. Ask MM. He's the one who has to explain my sudden disappearance at social events while I'm dry heaving outside.

If it happens at MY house, the offender will be very sorry. (Last seen here? No officer, I don't even know anyone by that name...")

And you thought you knew me.





It's All About The NaBloPoMo

Sunday, November 02, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I'm doing it this year. If I can. Maybe I can't. I may need your help.

What is NaBloPoMo? It means National Blog Posting Month and it's a competition. To participate I have to submit a posting every day for the month of November.
The thing is, I have too many distractions to really dedicate time to this. Kids, husband and two cats, not to mention all the relatives around the world clamouring for my attention. (Just kidding; they don't even like me much.)
No, it's mainly the kids. I frequently go to bed and write while my husband is snoring so that's easy. It's the whole get up in the morning, clean the house, buy the groceries, cook meals and talk at, I mean, to the children that really takes up my time. And I'm also gainfully employed (part-time). So there goes another ten minutes.

You guys could really help me out with this. Here are some of my suggestions:
a) When you comment, please keep it to three to five words, like "You are awesome", or "You are SO awesome", or "I have money for you", or something like that. Just so I don't have to spend more time than absolutely necessary reading your rubbish thoughtful remarks.
b) I need someone to collect my children from school, throw some food at them and put them to bed. I know what you're thinking and no, they have no problem eating other people's filet mignon. But don't worry about me... I don't have to eat every day...
c) I know it stinks but the cats do need the litter changed daily. I will help you out by leaving the garage door ajar so you can crawl under there to reach the litterbox. Also, Lulu has fleas so remember to bring the Frontline with you. And don't get any of it on your skin because the chemicals inhibit reproduction. That only applies if you are female and aren't old. Anyone else should be fine.

OK - well I'm all set.

Thanks everyone!


Who Turned Off Halloween?

Saturday, November 01, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Did you get a memo from the Halloween Poobah saying Halloween is cancelled?
We left the house at around 7pm to go trick or treating. There was NOBODY around! People told us we were their first t.o.t ers! We walked down the street, turned the corner and emptiness! We checked our phones, ok, we got the date right. We checked the time, we're not too early. Shrug. Oh well.
We were quite prepared to be the only Countess Dracula (yes, it was a late name-change for C.), Rugby player with stripey socks and Nerd, oops I mean Scientist. The Ice Queen was at a party so she didn't come with us. Me? I went as a Tired Housewife...

The Ice Queen hates this pic (she didn't have all of her makeup on yet) so don't tell her I put it on here.

The geek/scientist... gorgeous!

Rugby man, "Take the picture already, I want to go!" Me- "Hang on, I haven't quite got the whole rubbish bin in the shot."

"Smile Countess!".... "No."

The kids were too scared to walk up to the house so HE came to US!

Posing with "It".
I thought this was an actual person on the roof ready to jump on us!

Some decorations were truly scary...!


So anyway, it took about 45 minutes for more Halloweeners to join us on the streets. Even then, there were less than half of the people we saw last year. It was a mystery..... until we drove past the Pumpkin Patch. There must have been HUNDREDS of cars overflowing the carparks. It was free night from 6 til 9. Can you imagine kids choosing to play on jumpies rather than go get candy? Our kids were like, "What's up with THAT?"
So then we found out that Great Oak High School had a game blah, blah, whatever... (can you tell I'm a diehard football fan?) so that's where the other half of the population was. Mystery solved. Halloween is intact. Too bad.

Here's the damage...

We decided to go with "The Bribe". One rule only - No Candy Purchases To Be Made With Bribe Money.

So, final tally, Ice Queen, 210 pieces = $10.50
The Countess, 151 pieces = $7.55
Rugby Man, 146 pieces = $7.30

I have to shell out $25.35 and I have bucket loads of sugar but I still feel like a WINNER!

Candy, anyone?

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