Bleeping Marvellous

Monday, January 26, 2009 Posted In , , Edit This 11 Comments »
A and her friends at school have formed a group. They call themselves "The Bleep Team".

Anytime and anywhere they hear a kid say something profane, they say, very loudly, "BLEEEEP!" In the cafeteria... BLEEEP! Classroom... BLEEEP!

They were sitting outside at lunchtime and a guy walked past them...
"Man, I can't believe that &*%$#..."BLEEEEP!
"What the...?" "BLEEEP!""Why are you &*%#$...beeping me?" "BLEEEEP!" Giggle.
I'm going to initiate it in my home. For just me. When I hear something I don't like or something that I know will involve work, I can use it...
"Can I have some money for...."BLEEEP!
"Why do I have to clean the..."BLEEEEEP!
"Can I go to the movies with..."BEEEEP!
"I want that toy/CD/game/cell phone..."BLEEEP!"
"I hate you for not getting me the toy/CD/game/cell phone...!"BLEEEP, BLEEEEEP!"

They will learn not to use that kind of language around me!

We're Gonna Make You Pop-U-Lar

Saturday, December 20, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
This is what C told me when she got home from school today... no joke... she really did...

"So Mum, I gotta tell you what P did today! You know how she loves your kiwi accent? Right, so she somehow, and I don't know how, recorded the message you left on our answer machine. Then she plays it for G who tells E, who tells B, who tells S, who tells H, who tells J, who tells R, who tells G!
So, I hear these kids all around me saying in weird accents, "Hellooo, we carrn't come to the phoone riight now, please leave yoor name and nomber...!" and I'm like, "What is going on?" So G told me that they were all listening to YOUR VOICE and copying your accent! All the kids were doing it!
And Mum, they can't even do it right!"

I am so gratified that I have finally achieved popularity status in the 6th grade! Immortalized by a phone message... I'll take it.

Psychologically Dependent

Friday, December 19, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
You've heard the saying, "A clean house is the sign of a broken computer." This is appropriate in my case, or more fitting for me would be, "A neglected and filthy house is the sign of a mind-bogglingly addicted, internet lunatic." Yeah, that's more like it.
So, I decided to figure out where my time went yesterday, after the kids were safely deposited at school...(I won't include all the driving around I did but suffice to say, I left the house six times yet never felt like I went anywhere.)

9.30 - 10.30 - emails.
10.30 - 11.30 - create posting for blog.
11.30 - 1.45 - genealogy online, nutella sandwiches for lunch.
2.00 - 2.30 - pick up child, talk to him a bit whilst folding Mt Everest pile of washing.
2.30 - 3.30 - pick up other kids and talk to them a bit, drive child to Den Meeting.
3.30 - 4.30 - assist with homework i.e. pretend I know something, go pick up cub scout.
5.30 - 6.30 - cook dinner, assist scout to bake cookies for Pack Meeting, eat most of them.
6.30 - 9.30 - eat dinner though curiously not hungry, clean-up, finish folding Mt Everest, watch one tv show, send ratbags to bed.
9.30 - midnight - chat with hubby for two or three minutes, read emails, blog, reading blogs, emails, blogs, more blogs, a bit of genealogy, blogs, blogging blogs...

So, I count SIX and a half hours a day doing something online!!! Granted, the genealogy thing is related to my desire to do temple work, (and I'm a ward Family History Consultant) and every day is different but do you see how much I neglect my house...and possibly...my life??

Am I the only one who suffers from this disease?

School Conversation Take II

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Moi: Hi! How was your day?
A: Fine.
Moi: What did you learn at school?
A: That there is no such thing as a straight line.
Moi: Oh, fabulous! That is great... um... would you... like some... chocolate?


Old dogs can learn new tricks.

Where Did My Sweet Baby Go?

Friday, November 07, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Some things I should just leave alone. One day I will learn. This is how the actual conversation went:

Moi: What did you learn at school today?
A: That there is no such thing as suction.
Moi: Oh really? Then what does the vacuum cleaner do?
A: It doesn't suck. It blows.
Moi: Really! Then if I ever want to sell it I may have trouble writing the ad. "Vacuum cleaner for sale. Blows great."
A: No! I mean that it blows the air around and the dirt is blown up into it.
Moi: So it creates a vacuum, and you don't want to call it suction?
A: There is NO suction!
Moi: I'm just trying to understand this... are you saying that the air goes outside the machine and blows the dirt up?
A: NO! OH FORGET IT! YOU DON'T KNOW!
Moi: I'm just saying... you may have a hard time blowing your milkshake up the straw... actually, I'd really like to see that...
A: OH STOP IT! I SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN TOLD YOU!
Moi: Well hang on, who told you this anyway?
A: My PHYSICS TEACHER!
Moi: Oh, what's his name?
A: Doctor Blankety Blank.
Moi: Oh, so he's a Doctor? A Doctor of what?
A: Psychology.
Moi: I see.... so a Psychologist told you there is no suction? How would he know?
A: YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!
Moi: I'm just trying to understand... COME BACK HERE!
A: WHAT?
Moi: I think we can agree on this. You say it blows and I say it displaces air to create a vacuum. Vacuums do exist even if you say suction doesn't.
A: NO IT DOESN'T and I... DON'T WANT...TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!! (Flounces out of the room knocking crumbs off the table in the process.)
Moi: YOUNG LADY! You come back here and grab that vacuum cleaner and BLOW THAT MESS OFF THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW!
A: AAARGHHHH!!

All those in favour of homeschooling say AYE!

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