Rules of Engagement

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 Edit This 19 Comments »
There's a food power play going on at my house. One kid and one parent perform a verbal duel until one or the other (usually the parent) is flayed alive. It's quite funny to watch in a masochistic kind of way. It usually takes place during the summer, coincidentally when my step kids come to stay.

Scene I, Duel I... Dad vs. Son... One Fine Morning

Dad: "What would you like for breakfast? Eggs or bacon." (En garde!)
Kid: "Neither." (Quick return jab!)
Dad: "You've got to eat something! You need your energy for all the fun we're going to have today!" (Good side step!)
Kid: "You don't have any food I like." (Counter-parry!)
Dad: "How about we go get you some food you like, buddy?" (Losing ground!)
Kid: (Unenthusiastically) "Okay." (Maintain the pain!)

Intermission

Scene 2, Duel I... Dad vs. Son... $60 Later

Dad: "Here's your cereal! Bon appetit!" (Classic feint!)
Kid: "This tastes funny. I don't like it." (First blood!)
Dad: "But you chose it! You said you like it!" (Backing into a corner!)
Kid: "It's weird tasting! We should have gone to Stater Bros! The food from Albertsons tastes bad!" (Attack!)
Dad: "Okay. We'll go to Stater Bros. later." (GAME! Set and match!)

Dad limps off stage bleeding from multiple wounds. Kid triumphantly flings the contents of his plate into the disposal, then pulls a Snickers bar from his pocket.

I'm eagerly awaiting the next scene wherein Dad parts with more hard earned currency only to have the Kid declare that the food is inedible due to it not being purchased during a solar eclipse and delivered to our door by twelve flying ninja monkeys.


19 brilliant observations:

Momza said...

Ahhh Guilt is the Dad's achille's tendon.
Shame.
Tell Dad not to give away his wisdom or his integrity so easily--it's more important than a box of cereal.

Barbaloot said...

C'mon---cereal ALWAYS tastes good! And, come to think of it, I'd never turn down eggs OR bacon. Maybe I'll come chill at your house for awhile:)

Fiauna said...

I've got one of these in my house too. Yikes. I think I'll just let her starve. Just kidding. Of course I'll just make her something extra special to reward her bad behavior. Am I right?

Karen said...

Gosh, my childhood sucked. My parents just always told me to eat what they gave me or to starve. I got nothing from having divorced parents!

Lissaloo said...

lol, kids are quick on their feet thats for sure =)

honeypiehorse said...

Men are weak ;-)

Loralee and the gang... said...

It drives me crazy when my kids won't eat what they are given! As a child I had to eat whatever or I went hungry...why can't we as a]parents maintain the same standard? Maybe that's why so many kids are overweight these days, because we let them dictate what they eat. I don't know how I allowed this to happen, but it's going to end!!
:~D

Cheryl said...

Wish #1 to see life through your eyes for just one day!! $60.00 for cereal, and still ungrateful...how dare they!!

Cherie said...

So funny! - Great adaptation! Are you a writer? If not you should be!!

Loved it!!

Machen family said...

touche indeed my little california/new zealand friend. I've noticed that no matter how "tricky" I try to be with my kids, they always win out.

rachel said...

Can you believe I miss Stater Bros???
I do...there's not a one in sight around here. And this was hilarious :)

Kerry Stanek said...

I'm pretty sure this is a tactic that kids use against the parent they are visiting, as a form of punishment for them leaving. Your rendition of the interaction is almost exactly what happens at our house almost every other weekend! Do you also get the, "but at mom's house..." thing too? It's taken awhile, but DH is slowly starting to see he's been manipulated by his children for years!

Kristina P. said...

Hey, you! I have missed you! Come back!

Doug and Kristen said...

Food from Staters tastes better cuz it's cheaper than Albertson's ;)

How how do you put the signature thingy on the bottom of your posts? I can't figure it out!!

DeNae said...

How did I miss this post? You're even on my sidebar for crying out loud!

Yes, I've been in this sitch, only it was with a 5 year old and dressing for school:

"Do you want to wear this?"
"No."
"Do you want to wear THIS?"
"No."

Times fifty. Then I put the child back to bed and crawl under the covers myself. The End.

BTW, RMax, I hope your laptop is resurrected, and that you are only vacationing from blogland for a while. I've missed you!

The Garden of Egan said...

Still missing you RMax! Where in the underworld....uhm I mean downunder ....are you????

Hope all is well.
Hugs!

DeNae said...

Hallooooo...anybody there?? We're missing you, darling RMax! Come back! We've kept your seat warm on our blog rolls!

Loralee and the gang... said...

Where ya been? I miss your wit!
:~D

the mama hood said...

Just came across your blog, Lovin' it!! Your posts are "AWESOME"!!

Have a great weekend!!