Rules of Engagement
Wednesday, July 15, 2009 Edit This 18 Comments »
There's a food power play going on at my house. One kid and one parent perform a verbal duel until one or the other (usually the parent) is flayed alive. It's quite funny to watch in a masochistic kind of way. It usually takes place during the summer, coincidentally when my step kids come to stay.
Scene I, Duel I... Dad vs. Son... One Fine Morning
Dad: "What would you like for breakfast? Eggs or bacon." (En garde!)
Kid: "Neither." (Quick return jab!)
Dad: "You've got to eat something! You need your energy for all the fun we're going to have today!" (Good side step!)
Kid: "You don't have any food I like." (Counter-parry!)
Dad: "How about we go get you some food you like, buddy?" (Losing ground!)
Kid: (Unenthusiastically) "Okay." (Maintain the pain!)
Intermission
Scene 2, Duel I... Dad vs. Son... $60 Later
Dad: "Here's your cereal! Bon appetit!" (Classic feint!)
Kid: "This tastes funny. I don't like it." (First blood!)
Dad: "But you chose it! You said you like it!" (Backing into a corner!)
Kid: "It's weird tasting! We should have gone to Stater Bros! The food from Albertsons tastes bad!" (Attack!)
Dad: "Okay. We'll go to Stater Bros. later." (GAME! Set and match!)
Dad limps off stage bleeding from multiple wounds. Kid triumphantly flings the contents of his plate into the disposal, then pulls a Snickers bar from his pocket.
I'm eagerly awaiting the next scene wherein Dad parts with more hard earned currency only to have the Kid declare that the food is inedible due to it not being purchased during a solar eclipse and delivered to our door by twelve flying ninja monkeys.
Scene I, Duel I... Dad vs. Son... One Fine Morning
Dad: "What would you like for breakfast? Eggs or bacon." (En garde!)
Kid: "Neither." (Quick return jab!)
Dad: "You've got to eat something! You need your energy for all the fun we're going to have today!" (Good side step!)
Kid: "You don't have any food I like." (Counter-parry!)
Dad: "How about we go get you some food you like, buddy?" (Losing ground!)
Kid: (Unenthusiastically) "Okay." (Maintain the pain!)
Intermission
Scene 2, Duel I... Dad vs. Son... $60 Later
Dad: "Here's your cereal! Bon appetit!" (Classic feint!)
Kid: "This tastes funny. I don't like it." (First blood!)
Dad: "But you chose it! You said you like it!" (Backing into a corner!)
Kid: "It's weird tasting! We should have gone to Stater Bros! The food from Albertsons tastes bad!" (Attack!)
Dad: "Okay. We'll go to Stater Bros. later." (GAME! Set and match!)
Dad limps off stage bleeding from multiple wounds. Kid triumphantly flings the contents of his plate into the disposal, then pulls a Snickers bar from his pocket.
I'm eagerly awaiting the next scene wherein Dad parts with more hard earned currency only to have the Kid declare that the food is inedible due to it not being purchased during a solar eclipse and delivered to our door by twelve flying ninja monkeys.
