Potty Talk

Sunday, April 19, 2009 Posted In , , , Edit This 19 Comments »
I've visited some interesting public restrooms in my time. The Chinese like to squat over a hole in the floor while the Americans prefer that their bums not come in contact with the ground. The toilet I visited at the New Orleans airport was a fabulous feat of engineering. Every time you flush, it dispenses a clean seat cover onto itself. Twelve flushes later, I remembered what I went there for...

In New Zealand, they are extolling the virtues of the automatic toilet that cleans itself. Unless you are the poor lady who somehow got locked inside one and was given a thorough bowl clean at half past three. The lawsuit is ongoing.

I was in the movie theatre restroom when I overheard a mother and child talking...
Mother: "Keep still, you're getting it everywhere!"
Child: "I want to go to the Big Boy room!"
Mother: "You're too little!"
(Sound of a cellphone ringing.)
Mother: "No... leave it! DON'T.....!"

SPLASH!

Who needs movies?

What Yanks Your Chain?

Sunday, February 08, 2009 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 20 Comments »
You are very astute to notice I am home early from church. I couldn't handle the sinus headache anymore so I came home to pop some advil and achieve some druggy bliss. Coincidentally, I find that today is Feb 8 which just happens to be... you guessed it... PEEVES DAY! Yay! This is the day allocated to freely mock and criticize whatever I feel eminently mockable and... criticize-able.

1) Of course anything on "As Seen On TV" qualifies but this item takes top billing in my opinion. It's the shiny, sparkly "Lord's Prayer Cross."


But... this is not just any cheap crystal cross. This cheap crystal cross is special because it has the Lord's prayer engraved into the back of it. Hold it up to the light and it will be revealed! What? What do you mean you can't read it? It's right there!

2) Coming a close second is the "Baby on Board" sign. Once upon a time these signs were a good idea because they indicated to emergency crews at roadside accidents, that there was a baby they needed to account for. Bet you didn't know that. Nowadays, they are some kind of badge of pride or something.
So you're fertile! Great! Happy for ya.
Do these people put the sign in their vehicles because they assume we value their life less than that of their offspring? "Oh thank goodness they put the sign up! I was about to run right over that car! Whew!"

3) Being subjected to loud cell phone conversations at the checkout. It's not like I can walk away because I am stuck at the checkout! And seriously, I do NOT want to know what your test results are, what lengths you will go to to get your ex back (excuse me while I puke) or how your dog reacted to the thermometer. How can you say this stuff in front of strangers anyway? Here's a tip... GO AWAY! Wait til you are out of the store to call your peeps!


4) These online ads... Who said they could put a picture of my flabby gut ON THE INTERNET??!! I certainly don't remember giving my permission! Who do I sue?

5) Last but by no means the least... restaurant drive-thru speaker thingies. I hate them and will avoid speaking into them if I can.
Imagine you are me. Kiwi accent.
"Can I get two chicken sandwiches?"
"Huh?"
"Two. Chicken. Sandwiches."
"Seven beef tacos?"
Sigh. "NO. TWO. CHICKEN. SANDWICHES."
"Sorry?"
"Yes, I am!"
"What did you want?"
"FIVE BULLETS AND ONE LARGE GUN. AIM. AND. FIRE!"
"Huh?"


Music To My Ears

Monday, December 08, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Update on the cellphone billing debacle. Our cellphone carrier advised us today that they will credit $2500.00 worth of illegal calls billed to us. Somebody stole our phone number and called all over Mexico and Honduras last month. And our bill went up $700 since last week. The phone company told us that this is happening everywhere and that the hardest hit places are New York, Florida and Mexico. If you take a cellphone to these areas, find out what security measures, if any, you can take.

Cellphone Hackers Can Get You!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
We went to Mexico for a day trip two weeks ago. Whilst there we had an interesting adventure recorded on this blog entry here. We took our three phones so we could call each other if necessary. Unbeknownst to us, one of our phone numbers had been hacked and, according to the invoice we got today, used to call various numbers in Honduras and Mexico bringing our bill to $1800.00.

Apparently, it is not difficult to mess with people's phones. I copied this from the WIRED website... "In the 17 minutes we wandered around, Laurie's computer picked up signals from 39 phones. "It takes only 15 seconds to suck down somebody's address book, so we could have had a lot of those," he says at last. "And at least five of these phones were vulnerable to an attack."
The "attack" Laurie mentions so casually could mean almost anything - a person using another person's cell to make long distance calls or changing every phone number in his address book or even bugging his conversations. There are, he says, "a whole range of new powers" available to the intrepid phone marauder, including nasty viral attacks." Click here to read the article in full.

Call your cellphone provider TODAY and find out how secure your phone is. Don't bother, we just spoke to ours and they told us, "Our system is absolutely secure. It was a one in a million occurence!" which is complete ROT because I looked it up already. If you have the right equipment, it's easy as pie. The trouble is that technology changes so fast the security measures have difficulty keeping up. It's not just your cell phone you need to be worried about. Anything that utilizes wireless technology is vulnerable.

So we are waiting with bated breath to see whether the cellphone company insist we pay the bill. We kindly reported the breach in their system to them. They cancelled the number. We requested a credit. They are thinking about it. We better get the whole thing credited or heads will roll.

Be aware. Turn your cellphone off when you don't need it. (Kind of defeats the purpose though eh?)

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