It's a Losing Battle

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
When, if ever, do I get to stop being a cop? I would really love to have a normal conversation without having to interrupt myself constantly, to prevent World War 3 in my house! Have you ever had a conversation like this?

Moi to MM: "Do you think...
STOP HITTING HIM!...
...that we could do something different for...
DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU TO STOP?!...
...Christmas dinner? I thought that we could...
WHY ARE YOU STILL TOUCHING HIM?...
...maybe have meatloaf again because...
ARE YOUR EARS PAINTED ON?...
...I didn't get much...
WHO THREW THAT?...
...of the Thanksgiving meatloaf.
So, I was hoping that...
PUT THAT DOWN!..
...we could...
PICK THAT UP!...
...have a non-traditional meal...
TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR NOSE!...
...with all the traditional trimmings, and make it...
GET TO YOUR ROOM!...
...more of a Christmassy meatloaf?
Because I'm sure the kids...
DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!...
...won't care what they eat as long as...
GIVE ME THAT KNIFE!...
...there's ice cream afterward."

Gravy Train

Saturday, November 29, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
So I cooked meatloaf for my Thanksgiving Dinner and roast beef for all the people who could actually chew. I was slightly panicked about the whole thing because it all rested on me and you know... the pressure to make it all come together fabulously was quite intense.
So everyone came over and dinner was late because the roast took three hours longer than the recipe said it should. But the meatloaf was already cold because it only took one hour to cook. And one of my guests is a chef so yep, more pressure. She stood next to me and watched me stir my lumpy gravy then reached over to turn the gas down (or up?), thought better of it and pretended she was just scratching her wrist, then hovered nervously watching me continue to stir the gravy! After five more minutes of her scrutiny I ran out to find reinforcements... "S! I need you to come and get rid of the gravy police PLEASE!"
S took her aside and asked her all sorts of inane questions desperately trying to keep her out of the kitchen but after a few minutes, she was back on duty at my side. Finally I handed her a spoon and said, "You're the expert. What else does this gravy need?" She took a sip and then said, "Salt and pepper is all", then walked out. No citation. I was sure I was going to get a fine but didn't even get a warning. ("If I see you do this again I WILL give you a ticket!")

Oh no! I'm turning into one of those boring people who blog about gravy! Forget I mentioned it... just scroll down...


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So we had a lovely time with the family and when everyone had left, I went to get a second helping of the sad little meatloaf and spied a huge pile of roast beef sitting forlorn on the counter, and NO meatloaf! They ate my "dentist approved" food!


What is the world coming to?




It's Only Food

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I just had major dental work. I went to see my dentist because I broke a tooth whilst eating lunch (Curse you Sam Wo!) and he declared that I also needed some bridge work so I now have a temporary bridge installed in my still throbbing mouth.
My dentist likes to make little jokes. He thinks it puts people at their ease. He leaned me back in the chair so far my feet were higher than my head. He said, "Don't worry, you won't slide off. I've only lost two patients that way."
Har, har. My sense of humour is excellent when I'm in intense pain.

So the dentist told me I can't eat certain meats or chewy foods "like bread". What?? Meat and bread?! That's only everything I eat! And there goes Thanksgiving dinner!

I had to ring my cousin and tell him, "So this is the menu for Thanksgiving. Ground beef, mashed potato, creamed spinach, puréed carrots, gravy, cranberry sauce and hot chocolate."
"Mmm, you make it sound so good." he said.

OK, no, I am not that mean. I will cook REAL food for EVERYONE ELSE while I SUCK my Thanksgiving meal THROUGH A STRAW.

Don't worry about me... I will be fine with my turkey shake.

NO PROBLEM.


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