New, NOT NEW!

Thursday, February 05, 2009 Posted In , , Edit This 17 Comments »
Like an idiot, I went to the new car sales yard first. I don't want to pay new car dollars but am thinking it wouldn't hurt to just take a peek, would it? As the sales guy swaggered toward us I told MM, "We won't test drive anything and we won't commit to anything. I am prepared to unleash if this guy does the hard sales pitch on us. I will use extreme rudeness, if necessary." MM had the good sense to look a little worried.

We all know the car industry is teetering toward the Pit of Despair but you wouldn't know it to look at the Ford sales guy. He was the picture of professionalism. Oozing charm and non-confrontation-ism. He even smelled like he'd showered that very morning. He casually asked what we were looking for then steered us straight toward this... A Ford Flex.

Yeah, I know. Boxy. Low. Small engine. May not have the grunt I need. I know I want a bus but I don't actually want a... bus.

So, sales dude smoothly asks, "What colour? You like red? You like the 20" rims? How about the nineteen air bags and the multi-panel vista roof? The dvd player and the leather interior? Let's take it for a drive shall we?"
Nod. "OK." (What am I doing?)
"Why don't you drive, young lady?" Nod. (Arrrgh!)
"Here are the keys. Don't break any speed records!" Chuckle.
"OK." (Arrrgh!)
After a blissful ride around the block and a brief burn down the freeway, I reluctantly handed the keys back.
"How much is it?" (Great, I had to ask!)
"With all the options... because that's the one you just drove... only $32,000. On special this month."

I WANT IT!


P.S. The Ford Flex is a new 2009 "crossover" car model. Used ones not available yet. $32,000 just a TAD over budget.

Mobile Desperation

Saturday, January 10, 2009 Posted In , , , , , Edit This 9 Comments »
I am sure MM does not want me to blog about this but he has not yet realised something that the kids figured out months ago. That I will freely blog every humiliating event I hear about. I don't give warnings and I don't ask permission... that's what makes it fun.

MM can tell you exactly how many restrooms are closed between work and home during the hours of 5 and 7pm. He can tell you which restrooms have locks and no keys, which ones have surly non-English speaking attendants and which ones are perpetually occupied. He can also predict to a nano second when and where the traffic will slow to a stop, usually at the most torturous and uncomfortable time of bursting desperation.

As is often the case, I had the perfect solution for his daily predicament.

"I have one word for you honey, "Bedpan"."

I was feeling quite proud of myself for solving his problem instantly. I was not prepared for the "are you bonkers?" stare.
"Why are you looking at me like that? It's a perfect solution! Tailor-made for you. It obviously wouldn't work for me. You wait. This time tomorrow you will be WISHING you had a bedpan next to you in the car."

No comment.

Walking away.

"Well, if you get blood poisoning or whatever you get when your BLADDER EXPLODES, don't CALL ME!"

Some people just won't be helped.



Older Posts