Bobs Yer Uncle

Wednesday, January 28, 2009 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 11 Comments »
When I first started blogging, I would ask MM to proof-read my post to make sure that I translated my kiwi slang into something an American would understand. After several hundred similar requests, MM told me to just write it naturally. He pointed out that I am using the English language, after all...

One time I helped my mate T look for a new flat. I said I would go with her 'cos she was up the duff and feeling a bit knackered. She likes to go in my car 'cos it's flash and grunty while her ute is puckeroo ('cos she pranged it) and the boot is chocka with fizzy cans. T's a real hard case and we always crack each other up.

We sent our kids to get their togs and jandals on and go down the beach. They were like, "Can we have some pingers to take to the dairy? We're like, "What are ya?" and they're like, "But, it's kai time!" and we're like, "Tough bikkies!" So, they whinged their heads off.

Finally, T gives in and hands them some lollies and a chilly bin full of L&P and some takeaways and they're like, "Sweet as!"

So we left them there and were on our way. It took ages (and T yacked the whole way) but we finally sussed out a flat. It was in the wops but it was nice.

Then we went to pick up the kids but one of them had packed a sad and took off. So we raced over the judder-bars looking for him. We spotted him up by the public loos. He was chucking stones at someone's chooks and making them run onto the tar seal. I knew T was gonna have his guts for garters!

Then T spotted her ex-husband with his girlfriend and wanted to take a jack nuhi. She jumped out of the car while I was halfway up the roundabout. "Crikey dick! Can ya wait 'til I stop the car before you leap out?" By the time I parked the car, she was having a right old barney with L while the kids were gawking from the car. I pulled her away from him, then I threw her in the car and went flat stick back to town.

T laughed as she pulled out heaps of cash. "L's a prat, but we're home 'n' hosed 'cos I flogged his wallet and he's shouting lunch today!" I busted a gut laughing!


It's been yonks since I've had that much fun!


San Fran Icon...

Thursday, November 27, 2008 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
... Sam Wo's. I wondered if MM got it completely wrong when he directed me to walk into this dirty little restaurant in Chinatown.



It is supposed to be a favourite with locals and tourists alike but I was not sure we had come to the right place when I looked through the front door. "Is this the back door? Kitchen entrance? Stables? Pig trough?"


You are supposed to go in here. You walk through the kitchen and up the narrow stairs. All the utensils and plates are on a filthy cupboard thingie against the wall. The tables and chairs are old and nasty. The walls and floors are stained and icky. (Keep your hands to yourself if you know what's good for you.)


There is a dumb waiter that the grumpy waitress pokes her head into and yells some scary-sounding Chinese down. The service is indifferent at times, surly at others. Apparently, "grumpy" has been working there for twenty years and told one friend's date, "You no like blocolli? Look! Is good!" and proceeded to eat it.



For all it's faults (and there are many), this place is legendary. It has been in business more than 100 years and it looks like it. Apparently, the previous owner used to make the customers get their own drinks and serve themselves whilst he was insulting them. "You retarded? We no serve coke in here! Look on menu! No fork... chopstick only!"
If you want to go there, be careful to keep the kids away from the balcony. It's a 2nd floor dive to disaster. "Grumpy" herded the children away from it more than once. "No go there!"
The food was good... and cheap. I recommend it if you want to have an unusual experience to reminisce about. ("Remember the time we all got e.coli? Oh, the memories!")
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